Update
If you’re looking for the Four Tendencies quiz, to find out whether you’re a Rebel, Obliger, Questioner, or Upholder, it’s here.
If you’d like to learn more about the Navy’s tradition of the “rope yarn day,” here’s an interesting article.
If you’d like a personalized, signed, free bookplate for one of my books, for Mother’s Day gifts (or for any gift, or for yourself), you can request free signed bookplates at happiercast.com/bookplate (U.S. and Canada only).
Try This at Home
Show yourself.
I recount a story from Jenna Fischer’s excellent book The Actor’s Life: A Survival Guide (Amazon, Bookshop).
Happiness Hack
A listener suggests using an Altoids tin to carry nuts as snacks.
Happiness Stumbling Block
In Happier in Hollywood episode 255, Elizabeth talked about the fact that although she loves to be social, she dreads upcoming social events.
Listener Question
A listener asked Elizabeth how she knew when she’d changed from a mentee to a mentor.
Demerits & Gold Stars
April 10th is the 100th day of the year! Looking at our “24 for 24” lists…
Gretchen’s Demerit: I haven’t done any of my “days of policy” yet.
Elizabeth’s Gold Star: She gives herself a gold star because she has already twice brought her dogs Daisy and Nacho on a weekend away.
Resource
The 100th day of the year is just one date highlighted on the Calendar of Catalysts. If you want to get the full Calendar of Catalysts for more annual reminders to pause, reflect, and plan changes in your life, get it for free at happiercast.com/resources.
What We’re Reading
**This transcript is unedited**
[477]
[music]
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to a happier a podcast where we talk about how to be spoiler alert happier. This week we’ll talk about why we should show ourselves.
Gretchen
And we have a hack that I cannot wait to use about putting an Altoids tin to good use. We all love an Altoids tin. Here’s an unusual way to use it. Yes. I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, Good habits. The Five Senses Human Nature. I’m in my little home office here in New York City. And joining me today from L.A. is my sister, Elizabeth Craft, who I just saw in Kansas City.
Gretchen
We had so much fun.
Elizabeth
Yes, that’s me. Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A. And Gretchen, I think we got our 10,000 steps in every day in Kansas City. So that was a victory.
Gretchen
Yes. So many blooming flowers and trees. It was gorgeous in Kansas City. Yes. And before we jump in, we have a few updates and ideas from listeners.
Elizabeth
Yeah, this comes from Olivia. She says, I just got finished listening to episode 474 where you talked about how rebels resist smart goals. As a rebel myself, I wanted to share a couple of observations with you from my experience. I should start by saying being a hard worker and a good teammates are parts of my identity. Professionally, I don’t mind smart goals when they apply to a group where I’m not the only one being held accountable.
Elizabeth
I’ve noticed that I view those goals as guidelines and feel the flexibility to modify slice, shed them if they no longer serve our team while others can get trapped by the need to follow those goals to the letter no matter what. It also really helps if I’m involved in drafting those goals. Smart goals of single me out would probably irk me.
Elizabeth
I am very driven by a mission statement. I think a well-written mission can be the professional equivalent of an identity for rebels. Interesting to the listener who wrote in about her boyfriend, I would suggest that he go to his boss and emphasize his commitment to their company slash division’s vision or mission and say that he’s happy to make smart goals but would like the flexible witty to modify them as appropriate along the way to better serve their mission.
Elizabeth
He may never need to modify them, but having the okay to do so may lessen some of his resistance. Alternatively, he can take charge of conducting slash initiating check ins with his boss around the goals to give him the sense of being in the driver’s seat. By the way, I totally resist smart goals in my personal life. I want to go with the flow.
Elizabeth
I write my 24 over 24 lists in pencil and leave lots of blanks.
Gretchen
Well, this is great. It’s great to hear rumbles away. And it’s good probably for rebels to realize that even if other people are taking most of our goals all the time, they may not be a tool that works well for rebels. And I like that Olivia has suggested how to talk to the boss in a constructive way because it’s sort of like you can how do you actually act on this?
Gretchen
Self-knowledge? Like, what are you here for then do with it? That’s not always easy to see.
Elizabeth
I mean, it’s amazing how rebels know what works for them.
Gretchen
And this update comes from Jenny, who writes, When I heard you mention a loose ends day in episode 473, it reminded me of the Navy’s tradition of a rope yarn day. Sailors would get a half a day off to tend to personal tasks. I learned about rope yarn days while I was working at the office of the oceanographer of the Navy as a Noah Sea Grant fellow.
Gretchen
Our admiral gave us a rope yarn day. Some of the staff ran along the canal towpath and swam back in the Potomac River to Georgetown while others of us cheered them on. Not much got mended that day, so I got curious about this idea of a rope yarn day, and it turned out this came from the time when the Navy ships would use sails and the sailors would use rope yarn to mend their clothes and their hammocks because they didn’t have any resources, because they were out at sea.
Gretchen
So they would use this rope yarn as mending material. And it was a break from the usual chores. So it was kind of a personal day. I guess you would say. And then it said that after sailing, ships were no longer used by the Navy. Rope yarn became free afternoons to do personal errands. So I’ll post an interesting link if you want to read more about the history Loose Ends and Rope yarn.
Gretchen
It’s very much tied. I love that.
Elizabeth
I do too. That’s so fun.
Gretchen
And one more thing. If you are thinking about giving one of my books for Mother’s Day, I have found in the past that my books are often give as Mother’s Day gifts. Or if you would like to ask for it for yourself, you can get a personalized bookplate if you want to add a personal touch. These are free.
Gretchen
I will sign in, personalize them. I can do this for U.S. and Canada only, unfortunately, because this is something that I will mail to it quickly because there is a little bit of a process here so I can always turn them around extremely fast. But if you want to request those, go to half your cars.com slash bookplate. A lot of people just like to give a signed book its personalized list of you love to give a personalized gift.
Gretchen
And this is one way to personalize a book.
Elizabeth
You know I do, Gretch. I love it.
Gretchen
You love it. So this week are try this at home suggestion is to show yourself and I got this idea because there’s a story that I just cannot forget that I read years ago in a book called The Actor’s Life A Survival Guide by Jenna Fischer. Now, of course, I am a huge fan of the Office, the TV show The Office, and Jenna Fischer is the actor who plays Pam.
Gretchen
We interviewed Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey, her best friend, about their book beefs about being on the office together because Angela Kinsey played Angela martin. And Elizabeth, you and Sarah interviewed Jenna just about this book because you think it’s such a good resource for people who are trying to make it in Hollywood.
Elizabeth
Yes, I tell everybody to read this book, whether they’re an actor, writer, director or she has such good advice. And it’s also just a great page turner.
Gretchen
It is a great page turner. And a lot of the advice really does apply even outside the Hollywood context. It’s kind of high up here in Hollywood. It applies in Hollywood, but it kind of applies in life. And this is was this is the interesting story that she told that really got me thinking about the importance of showing yourself.
Gretchen
So she’s telling the story when she’s just starting out and she had what she describes as a very unflattering headshot of herself in overalls. But she did get an agent, and the first thing the agent said is, Hey, you got to get a better headshot. And he suggested a popular photographer. And so she hired this photographer and he took this great picture of her, which she includes in the book.
Gretchen
You see the overall picture and you see then the picture he took. And this is what she writes about the photo. I love this photo. I still love this photo. It makes me look feisty, fierce, powerful and even sexy. I never had anyone capture me in a photo like this before. I loved this idea of me. I got a lot of additions with this headshot, but what I didn’t get was a lot of jobs because she said there’s this amazing picture, and yeah, it’s a photograph of her, but it really, really didn’t show her.
Gretchen
It didn’t show her the way that she actually was. And so it didn’t land her any jobs because in the end, she shows up and there she is. You know, she’s Jenna Fischer. She’s not this, like, pouting, sexy version of herself. She’s the one that got the job as Pam. And that’s what she said is like, if I’d been trying to use that headshot, I wouldn’t have got this role.
Gretchen
That was my big role because that’s not the character that they were looking for, and that’s a character that is a much better fit for me. And so I just think it’s this idea like we have to show ourselves.
Elizabeth
Yes, we have to show up as who we are rather than who we maybe think we should be.
Gretchen
And sometimes just and I mean, this resonated with me in my own life because just like her agent was like, okay, you need to have a better headshot. So when Elizabeth, when we were starting having this podcast, a couple of people said to me, like, Well, you really want to highlight your conflicts because people are really, really interested in conflicts, and that’s what’s going to make people want to listen.
Gretchen
And I kept saying to people, Well, that’s a problem, because I literally have less conflict with Elizabeth than any other person in my life. We are like you. I mean, yeah. So we can’t lean into that because we have differences, but we don’t really have much conflict. And then with the Happiness Project, when I was writing The Happiness Project, all these people said, no one wants Ernest, you can’t write it.
Gretchen
Some earnest version of it. And I was like, That’s the fact is I’m really earnest.
Elizabeth
You know, I write. So I feel.
Gretchen
Fortunate that I didn’t I felt so incapable of doing what they suggested, that I didn’t take their advice. And it might have been that if I felt I could have done a better job, I might have even tried it, which wouldn’t have been good. And so it’s like I needed to show myself. We needed to show ourselves.
Elizabeth
Yeah, it makes me think. Gretchen, I was just saying this to Sarah the other day, and I’ve said it many times as a showrunner. I’m always saying that I next time we’re on a show, I’m going to show up on set as a big personality. I’m going to make jokes and walk around and really just be big. I was saying to Sarah, I’m going to have a plan for how I can foster my big personality.
Elizabeth
So just having this conversation makes me think I’m probably going to have to abandon that idea because that’s not who I am.
Gretchen
Well, and here’s the thing, and this is what I think what your example really makes me think of this is, on the one hand, there’s the fantasy self, which is we need to let go of the fantasy stuff, like the one that is just like what we wish we were and which is just not realistic. That’s like me having linen cocktail napkin.
Gretchen
Who do I think I am? Right? That is just not me. That’s the fantasy self. But I think there is a part of you that is a performer and there is a part of you that loves to tell jokes and like, hold a conversation. And so I can see that maybe your vision of like maybe big personalities that you’ve seen in the past and that you admire, maybe that is not right for you, but you need to show yourself because, Elizabeth, you’re so funny, you’re so relatable.
Gretchen
If people love you, you have this wry sense of humor. You can command attention. So maybe the thing is to say, like, maybe it’s that your conception of what you’re aiming for isn’t quite right, and you need to find your own way to inhabit that role in a way that’s right for you. Yeah.
Elizabeth
And you know what, Gretchen? You say that and it sounds so obvious, but I have never thought about that before as I’ve approached this job and this idea, and I think you’re right. I think I’ve just been trying to lean into something I’m not. Yes. As opposed to leaning into who I am. Yes. But in a role of being, as you said, more commanding.
Elizabeth
So I’m excited for a chance to try this next time I’m on set.
Gretchen
Well, it’s this tension between accept ourselves and expect more from ourselves. So I think we want to show ourselves we want to be authentic, but we don’t want to be complacent. We want to push ourselves, but we want to do it in the way that’s right for us. And the fact is, like, there are so many ways to succeed.
Gretchen
There’s so many ways to be a great showrunner, But sometimes we get sort of a model in our head and we think, Well, this is what it would look like. Yeah. And it’s also true that sometimes just being upfront with your limitations can really work for you. And I just have never forgotten. So both of our parents are from North Platte, Nebraska, so we have a lot of feelings about Nebraska, which we love.
Gretchen
And I remember a couple visits ago, Mom and Dad said to me, did you hear about this slogan, this tourist slogan? The Nebraska had a while back. The slogan is, Honestly, it’s not for everybody. And I thought that they were pranking me. I’m like, there is no way that that is the tourist slogan for a state. Honestly, it’s not for everyone.
Gretchen
And they’re like, No, no, no, really. I look it up honestly, it’s not for everyone. And so I thought, you know, they’re just showing yourself, Yeah, you know, out.
Elizabeth
There.
Gretchen
Put it out there. Have a little sense of humor, perhaps, But don’t try to present yourself as something that you’re not. I mean, everybody always says be authentic and maybe this is just another way to say it, but thinking about that head shot really made that idea concrete for me in a way that this sort of a general discussion of authenticity never really rang true for me at least.
Elizabeth
And Gratz, I have to point out Missouri’s slogan is the show me State. So that’s right. It all comes together.
Gretchen
I didn’t think that took me a minute to put that together. Yes. Well, let us know if you do try this at home and how showing yourself works for you and in what situations and how have you shown yourself. Let us know on Instagram threads Tik-tok Facebook. Drop us an email at podcast at Gretchen Rubicam. Or as always, you can go to the show notes.
Gretchen
This is happier Cars.com slash four, seven, seven for everything related to this episode.
Elizabeth
Coming up, we have an Altoid tin hack. But first this break.
Gretchen
Okay Elizabeth time for the hack. And I have to say that you and I were astonished by the outpouring of creative and innovative ideas that people have come up with to use the Altoids tin. Clearly, we are not the only ones who are haunted by, my gosh, this tin is so great. What else can I do with it once I eat my Altoids?
Gretchen
And this is one of my favorites.
Elizabeth
Yes, Deirdre said on the issue of Altoid tins, I am a nut freak and I have found that the Altoid tins are a great serving size for taking nuts with you as snacks, nut cases, if you will. Such a good idea.
Gretchen
We’ll see. And I especially like this because I am. I always have to have snacks with me. So I always travel with snacks. I love eating nuts and I get those little snack packs, but it’s very wasteful to have all these little snack packs. It really has bothered me. But the idea of like loading up a baggie, they so often open up and then you’ve got nuts and nut dust and nut salt and it’s all over everything.
Gretchen
But, you know, an Altoid tin just feels much cleaner and crisper. And so both promise. I got rid of all my Altoids. Jensen Now I need to get another ten so I can use it for my nuts.
Elizabeth
Yes. Such a good idea. Great hack and easy.
Gretchen
An easy yes and a repurposing hack. And I think I’m going to put stickers on it. You know, I’m always looking for a way to use my masses to get along. So I will put nut related stickers on my gym. Nice little everyday creativity. So that is a very satisfying hack. But now let’s talk about a happiness stumbling block.
Gretchen
And listen, this is something that you raised on happier in Hollywood in episode 255 and it seems like you’re stumbling block is something that is really resonating with a lot of people.
Elizabeth
Yes. So the stumbling block is that I love to be social grouch. I get so much from seeing friends and doing things with people and yet whenever I make a plan, I start to dread it’s almost immediately and I spend weeks dreading it, even though I know I’ll enjoy it and I’ll be happy I did it. I’m filled with dread.
Elizabeth
I want to cancel. And this is a big stumbling block because I don’t want to walk around feeling dread all the time, but nor do I want to stop making plans.
Gretchen
Okay, a couple questions. First, did you feel this way before COVID or do you think this is like a post COVID thing?
Elizabeth
I was trying to remember that. I think it’s mostly post COVID. I think maybe I had a bit of it, but it feels like it really came to the surface post COVID.
Gretchen
But also one of the things post COVID is like we’re just at home more. I feel like pre-COVID, at least for you, like you were forced out and like.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
You were sort of out and about more just driving hither in the day. Okay, Because let’s get into like, what is the element of your dread? Because maybe it’s tied to this getting geared up to go out.
Elizabeth
Yes. Well, there’s definitely a factor of I just don’t want to bother. Right. Feels like such an effort.
Gretchen
Putting on real clothes.
Elizabeth
Yes, absolutely. Putting on clothes. My hair, make up organizing, just getting the ooh, Yeah. To go.
Gretchen
So it’s not really the seeing the people. It’s more about the logistical hassles, would you say?
Elizabeth
Yes, it’s not. Some people I think have social anxiety where the dread comes from, seeing the people. That’s the part that I like. Okay. What I don’t like is everything leading up to okay. I don’t like the whole getting there. If I could just close my eyes and be there, I would be fine. It’s the getting there.
Gretchen
This is a key step. I think that you because we always say, you know, identify the problem because the problem might not be what you think. So I think a lot of people might assume, like it’s about like, make sure you have a friend there or get hurt, get there early. So you can acclimate to the group.
Gretchen
But that’s not your issue. Your issue is a logistical issue. You’re issues a prep issue. Okay. So let’s think, are there ways where you can make it easier? Are there the little mini stumbling blocks in the preparation to go that you could tackle?
Elizabeth
Yes. And this is something I’ve been thinking about. And Sarah tapped into your brain and said, I think Gretchen would tell you to minimize the decisions you have to make. So that is easier. Okay. And many listeners also weighed in with that advice. And I should add that I have heard from many people who experienced this exact same phenomenon, which is why we’re talking about it, Right?
Elizabeth
Yeah. So some ideas are to have like five outfits that, you know, you wear, I think. Yeah. Something adjacent to that that I’m sort of thinking about doing is just saying, okay, when I go out, I just wear all black. And then it’s easy because you know what you’re going to wear and you don’t have to stress about, you know, the outfit and all black is good for almost any occasion.
Gretchen
Yeah, right. Just to reduce the decision. But the one thing a lot of people do is they’ll even take a picture of an outfit on their phone and then they just look at them and pick one. And so again, it’s like pre-mixed. And you just at a glance from top to bottom figured it out. So that’s one of it.
Gretchen
Yes. So part of it is like, what are you going to wear? And then part of it is like the physical prop, which is the shower, the hair, all that stuff.
Elizabeth
Yes. And Sarah suggested that I just always wear like high ponytail, like a sleek ponytail when I go out, because that is easier than sort of figuring out how to make it look when it’s down. Okay. I don’t know about that because sometimes you want your hair to be down, but maybe I’m letting perfect be the enemy of good in that sense.
Gretchen
Well, you could experiment for six months. You can say, I’m just going to 100% commit to this and see if that affects the dress.
Elizabeth
that’s a good idea.
Gretchen
That lizard. One thing I know about you, because it’s true for me, too, is that we do not like driving. But lucky for me, I’m in New York City. I’m lucky for you. You’re in the driving capital of the world. Is that an element?
Elizabeth
Yes, definitely. Getting there and parking. Yeah. Parking is what I dislike even more than driving and knowing where to go, because I also don’t have a good sense of direction. Yeah. And even with GPS, I do feel a lot of anxiety about where to park. Somebody suggested I take Uber and just budget that into my life as an expense.
Elizabeth
It does get very expensive, as we all know. But of course parking is also very expensive in L.A. So yes, that does offset the costs. If you’re saving $15 on parking that you can put that toward an Uber. So that is another thing to consider, especially at night. Yes, because I think like a lot of people, I just hate driving at night when I can’t see what’s around me.
Elizabeth
Right.
Gretchen
Especially in a neighborhood that you’re not familiar with. Yes. Well, so, again, maybe the thing is, give yourself a budget like it’s worth X amount of money and just say, I will do at least this. And that also feels very luxurious. And so that also might minimize the dread.
Elizabeth
good point.
Gretchen
Are there any other stumbling blocks that you can think of once you’re there? Do you feel are you like, I’m so glad I’m here and this is great?
Elizabeth
Yes, Once I’m there, I’m good. It’s really leading up to it. Even if I’m actually getting ready, I’m kind of okay. It’s the thinking about getting ready and getting there.
Gretchen
Okay. Now what about this? Is it the idea that something’s on your calendar? Does that oppress you? For some people, just especially rebels talking about this all the time, just the idea that something under calendar bothers them. Do you have that or like, No, that’s not really part of it.
Elizabeth
Well, a bit, because I just know when it comes I’m going to have to deal with.
Gretchen
I see. Okay. So you just said you just this like generally this seems like a pretty big stumbling block.
Elizabeth
It is. Now, I do manage to overcome it and do things. It’s not like I cancel constantly, right? It’s more that I don’t want to feel dread. I want to feel anticipation. Yeah, excitement. But what’s interesting is there’s a few things that don’t apply. So, for instance, meeting someone at Fryman is a hike. I feel no dread about that.
Elizabeth
Maybe because I don’t care about what I look like and I park. There are so many times that even if it’s difficult to park, I’m comfortable with it. Yeah, and I don’t feel this if we’re seeing family oak either. It doesn’t apply when I have family to see, and I don’t know why that is now.
Gretchen
Is it because family you don’t feel like they care that much about how you look and also probably problem driving?
Elizabeth
Yes, that’s true. When we see family, Adam is driving. That’s probably what it is, right? Yes. And I feel like, yeah, nobody’s judging me.
Gretchen
Well, family, they’ve seen you so many times. It’s like they’re not even going to notice you. Like you make the extra effort. Or at least that’s my choice. Assume the same thing. Well, I’m very curious. I want you to experiment with these things and see if this helps. Yeah, I think that those examples, when you don’t feel it, are very enlightening and really shine a spotlight on the fact of like, why the things that you’re doing might actually alleviate some of the dread because they’re relieving the decision fatigue, the relieving kind of the prep time.
Gretchen
They’re relieving the anxiety to some extent to the degree that you you want to take the Uber, we’ll see.
Elizabeth
Yes. And I mean, everybody, let us know if you’re experiencing this, because I been feeling good. I am not alone, especially post-pandemic.
Gretchen
Yes. Well, I think part of it is in the past you might have been out of work and then you would just stop someplace on your way home and then you’re already out. You’re already about it feels like it’s not a dedicated trip. And so you don’t focus on it in the same way. I felt like, yeah, things were done as part of other things rather than as their own standalone adventure.
Gretchen
And so they just didn’t get the same amount of focus. At least that’s how it felt to me.
Elizabeth
Agreed.
Gretchen
Okay. And now for a listener question, of course we want to hear what everybody has to say about Elizabeth stumbling block. But here is another question from a listener. Elizabeth, this is a question for you.
Elizabeth
It comes from Amanda. She said, I’m an engineer with about 25 years of experience in my field, about seven years ago, it dawned on me that I was often the most senior person in a room and people were looking to me for direction. I found that my words and actions had more power than they had in the past, and I had been largely unaware of that change.
Elizabeth
It took me too long to realize that I had moved from mentee to mentor. Once I realized the change, I became more thoughtful about my actions and the impact I was having. I fear I was reckless before this realization. Elizabeth is clearly in the mentor phase of her career and is well aware of it. My question is, was it obvious to her when that change came?
Elizabeth
What were the signs? I think I missed many of them and didn’t realize the change until long after it happened.
Gretchen
I think this is a fascinating question. I think it’s interesting that she says, I fear I was reckless because I do think there is a responsibility for being the mentor that she’s trying to accept. So, Elizabeth, how did you realize that you had moved from mentee to mentor?
Elizabeth
Well, I don’t know. Of course, remember the exact moment that I thought back on it. And I think there were four big things that sort of put me there.
Gretchen
Interesting.
Elizabeth
One was of course, people asking for advice, people starting to ask for informational interviews, by the way, which I always try to say yes to that because I you know, it is important, I think, to be a mentor. And that can be from someone you work with or from somebody from the outside who just contacts and ask for an interview.
Gretchen
That’s probably the easiest to spot because literally somebody is saying like, Hey, can I ask you questions because you know more about this?
Elizabeth
Okay. Yes. So that’s a big, big one. Yeah. Secondly, I realized that I was less upset by a situation than other people because I’d been through it before. So some big thing comes down. my gosh, People start to panic. Yeah. And I’m like, Hey, don’t worry, this is what we’ll do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve seen this a million times, right?
Elizabeth
Yes. It’s going to be a huge amount of work. Yeah, but this is what we do, right? And that really helps people calm down when you’ve been through something and they go, okay, this person has been through it. And I do think that’s a sign that you have now moved into the other side, right?
Gretchen
Because you’re able to use experience to guide yourself in others through what seems to them to be kind of an unprecedented situation in your life. Yes. no, there’s precedent. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, good. That’s good.
Elizabeth
And then just knowing that I’ve put in the time, for example, Sarah and I always say to new writers, when you’re first in a writer’s room like 8 hours a day, if feels like another language, you don’t understand what people are saying. And it’s exhausting and frustrating. And eventually, though, it becomes a totally second language that you’re fluent in.
Elizabeth
And when that happens, when you can just follow what everyone is saying, moving parts around on the board, then you know, you’ve kind of reached the other side of being a total professional. I guess.
Gretchen
Elizabeth, this kind of reminds me of a proverb of the professions. You know, I love proverbs of the professions, and this is one that comes from the world of doctors. It’s see one do, one teach, one about procedures and say you’re sort of like you see it, and then you can do it and then you can teach it.
Gretchen
Yes, but I’m still interested. You always talk about this talk. Can you just do like a sentence or two of what it would sound like to somebody who’s like, I have no idea what you all are even speaking about? Or is it just that it’s going at such a rapid pace? It doesn’t make sense.
Elizabeth
Well, part of it is a rapid pace. And then what it is, is if you have a story on a board, so this is going to happen, then this and this and this, and someone says, but wait, what if this character kiss this other character and act two, then people with a lot of experience go, yes.
Elizabeth
And then that changes the act for break to this. And then we bring up the act six First be to the end of the teaser and it all makes sense. And you know, you just go what.
Gretchen
You’re like with a.
Elizabeth
Puzzle. And so it’s really getting those puzzle muscles.
Gretchen
Yeah, because I’ve heard you and Sarah talk about things like that, and I’m like, You’re not even finishing your sentences. Yeah, Yeah. Okay, I got it. Okay. And then what’s the final one that helped you realize?
Elizabeth
And then the final one is when you’re asked to be a judge.
Gretchen
Elizabeth
There’s always things to judge. And I do think when you’re in the position where people look to you, that’s when you know you now take on the mentor role. Now, I do want to finally say, Gretch, I’m still a mentee as well. That never stops.
Gretchen
No, I think that’s a good point. What is it? I know that people will often say to you like, well, you know, I often think about this insightful thing that you told me about office politics or I have never forgotten how you explain to me how to think about this thing or the other thing. And you’re like, I don’t remember saying that, but I’m so glad.
Elizabeth
Yes. And you know what I’ve realized over time? Gretchen? I think my strength as a mentor is more about how to handle the job emotionally and psychologically than it is about me actually teaching people how to put a sentence together. I think that my strength is communicating in that arena.
Gretchen
Well, again, that’s show yourself. It’s like as a mentor, it’s like, okay, what kind of mentor am I? There are many things that I can teach you. There are many things I’m skillful at, but this is really the thing that if I want to show you my superpower or the thing that I perhaps bring more insight into it than other people might be able to communicate.
Gretchen
well, that’s great. Well, I hope that that’s a useful answer. It’s certainly a very thought provoking question from Amanda. Yes.
Elizabeth
All right. Coming up, we are going to talk about demerits and gold stars related to April 10th being the 100th day of the year. But first, this break.
Gretchen
Okay, it’s time for the magazine Gold Stars. And yes, you know, I don’t know about you, Elizabeth, but when Eliza and Eleanor were in kindergarten, they made a huge deal out of the 100th day of school because it was helping them to count to 100. And there is something kind of magical about the number 100.
Gretchen
And April 10th is the 100th day of 2024. And so in honor of the hundredth day, we took a look at our 24 for 24 list. And I have a demerits. Yeah. Which is I was doing my days of policy and I haven’t started doing my days of policy yet. So time is ticking by. This is a good reminder.
Gretchen
I need to look for those policy opportunities to have my days of policy.
Elizabeth
Okay.
Gretchen
But I still have plenty of time.
Elizabeth
Yes, you do. It’s only the hundredth day.
Gretchen
And how about you?
Elizabeth
So my gold star Gretchen, to myself, because on my 24 over 24 list was take Nacho and Daisy on a weekend away, because we had done that before and I got so much out of it. I’m not a person who in a million years I ever thought would be taking my dogs. Now I know if you gather and here I am, and I’m happy to report that we’ve already twice taken Daisy and Nacho on weekends away.
Elizabeth
And it is ridiculous how much satisfaction I get from seeing them like sniff around in a new place. but it just fills me with joy. So maybe they’ll even get to go away again.
Gretchen
It sounds like it.
Elizabeth
Very possible.
Gretchen
There we go. Okay. The resource for this week also inspired by the hundredth day. That is just one day that is highlighted in the calendar of catalysts. And if you want the full calendar of catalysts, if this is the kind of thing that you enjoyed, he uses a prompt for reflection or action. A reminder to plan for the changes that you want to see in the rest of the year.
Gretchen
You can get that for free at happier cars.com slash resources. That is the calendar of Catalyst. Elizabeth, what are we reading? What are you reading?
Elizabeth
I am reading Sociopath by Patrick Gagne.
Gretchen
And I am reading Leaving by Roxana Robinson. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember, try this at home. Show yourself. Let us know if you tried it and if it works for you.
Elizabeth
Thank you. To our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Odyssey. Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram threads, Facebook and Tik Tok AG, Gretchen Rubin and I’m on Instagram and threads at Liz Craft. Our email address is podcast to Gretchen Rubin dot com.
Gretchen
And if you like this show, please email an episode to a friend. Tell them about it. Read us, review us, follow us. All these things really help our show.
Elizabeth
And so next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward. So, Liz, it sounds like Nacho and Daisy are really, really good travelers.
Elizabeth
They are. They bark very little in the hotel room, which is basically the thing I worry about.
Gretchen
Which is funny because they bark at home a lot.
Elizabeth
I know this.
Gretchen
Is the opposite of what you would think. What do you think that I know?
Elizabeth
I think it’s because they’re so stimulated by being in a new place that they’re focused on that rather than on barking. But we’ll see. I don’t know if we went somewhere and stayed at a house for a week or something, if they would start barking. But so far, so good.
Gretchen
So far so good. From the onward project.