Try This at Home
Inspired by the fact that April is National Card and Letter Writing Month, and #Write24in24—send some cards or letters!
I mention the Memento Journal as a way to organize the letters and cards we’ve received.
I’m partnering with Paper Source for a very fun challenge in April. Starting April 1st, get thirty days of letter-writing prompts for National Card & Letter Writing Month.
Maybe you’d like to use your writing time for #Write24in24 to write cards and letters.
Sign up at gretchenrubin.com/paper-source-write-24-in-24/
Happiness Hack
Use the superstition of saying “Rabbit, rabbit” on the first day of every month as a reason to connect.
Listener Answers
Listeners share their ideas, resources, and experiences from “No-Spend February.”
Demerits & Gold Stars
Gretchen’s Demerit: I haven’t been reading enough.
Elizabeth’s Gold Star: She gives a gold star to our father for texting.
Resource
Sign up for the thirty-day letter-writing challenge here. If you use the Happier app, you can also find the daily prompts there.
Plus, you can use the code “Happier10” for 10% off on papersource.com during April 2024.
What We’re Reading
*This transcript is unedited*
[475]
[music]
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to a happier a podcast where we talk about how to be spoiler alert. Happy here. This week we’ll talk about how we can boost our happiness by writing cards and letters.
Gretchen
And we will share listeners ideas from no spend. February.
Gretchen
I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, Good Habits, The Five Senses and Human Nature. I’m here in my little home office in New York City, and joining me today from L.A. is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth, I don’t believe that I have sent you a letter or a card in a long time. I’m feeling kind of inspired to send you a little surprise in the mail.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A. and I would love to get a nice postcard from you. Maybe one from the Met.
Gretchen
Let’s do it. But before we launch it, we have some updates related to episode 472, where we talked about why it can be a good idea when we’re having a difficult conversation to have that conversation while walking.
Elizabeth
Yes, Cynthia said. I’m a counseling therapist and I offer clients the opportunity to have walking appointments where I live in the B.C. Rockies. That is both seasonal and weather dependent. But many clients take up my offer to walk a dirt road through the woods with me. And it’s a really good 60 minutes for both of us.
Gretchen
Lovely, Wendy wrote. I will never forget that the day I got the call that my dad had passed away, my husband said, Get dressed. We are going to the beach and taking a walk together. The beach is my favorite place and I’m lucky to live close by the Gulf. It is where I go when I need peace as well as for play.
Gretchen
A walk can be good for a hard time too. I said, That’s lovely that her husband knew. Let’s talk about this while we walk.
Elizabeth
Yes, Walking is magical.
Gretchen
And now for this week’s Try this at Home. The Try This at Home suggestion is inspired by the fact that April is national card and letter writing month. The try this at home is to write some cards and letters.
Elizabeth
Yes. And Gretchen, this goes perfectly with hashtag write 24 and 24. We’re suggesting everybody either write 2 to 4 minutes a day or 24 minutes a day if they like. So one could use that writing time to write cards and letters. Absolutely.
Gretchen
And, you know, this is a way that you can have fun with stamps, with markers, with stickers. Okay. Side note, I am obsessed with stickers. You know, there’s been this explosion of really beautiful sticker books with all kinds of amazing stickers. But the question is, what do you do with the stickers? Because I have to say, I could not resist.
Gretchen
I mean, it’s such an over barrier when it comes to sticker books. I have this huge sticker collection. But what do you do with it? But I thought, you know what? I could make my own postcards. I could pick a theme and send it to somebody. Like, for you, I could have one. That’s all Seattle themed. I’m sure I have Seattle themed stickers.
Gretchen
Enough to cover. You just get an index card and decorate one side and address the other side. Write a little note. It’d be super fun.
Elizabeth
Yeah. Gretchen, I remember we used to send cards to our grandparents.
Gretchen
yes.
Elizabeth
But, you know, I think with texting and emailing, yeah, that practice has sort of fallen away.
Gretchen
Even though it’s so fun. Also, I think a lot of people, at least I do. We have stationery in the drawer, beautiful stationery often, and we just don’t use it. And so, like, this whole thing about, like, spend out and use things up, it feels good to put things to use. And of course, people really like to get like an actual fun letter or card, not just some nonsense that comes in the mail that you’re you immediately toss in to recycling.
Gretchen
So that’s a good way to use that stationery.
Elizabeth
Yes. And Gretchen, you know, dare I bring up something that’s been controversial on this podcast in the past, which is thank you notes, but thank you notes are a great reason to write a letter. Yes, I have talked about how I’m challenged with my thank you note writing, and I’ve been admonished by many rightly so, or not rightly, depending.
Gretchen
On your.
Elizabeth
Version. Yes, but it is so nice to get that card in the mail. Like I will mention, Amanda, my very good friend who is also married to Chuck, our executive producer, she writes amazing cards and thank you notes like very personal and thoughtful. My friend Jessica does the same thing. And it really I keep these. Yes. When somebody takes the time to write something really personal, whether it’s for your birthday as a thank you note for holiday card, it really is meaningful.
Gretchen
Yeah. Well, with the Memento journal that I created, that’s what a lot of people use it for, is to keep thank you notes. You know, if like, somebody sends you a letter every year on your birthday, a lot of families do that. It’s like a way to keep those keepsakes organized because I think they feel more precious than ever because it’s like you say, because of people texting and emailing.
Gretchen
It’s more and more rare. And I do think that anything that comes in the mail now feels more elevated. It just feels more special. Yes. And the idea of a thank you note, maybe it’s not a thank you note for like thank you for having me to dinner, but it’s even sort of a gratitude practice where you’re thinking back, well, who are some people that maybe I’ve never properly thanked for something?
Gretchen
And I want to take a moment to say what your gratitude is like. That’s something that people are doing with their right 24 and 24. So again, it’s like you could send that letter or card and that’s that’s a real keeps it. How many people have said to you that they printed out an email to keep it? I think sometimes people do that.
Gretchen
Which is the next best thing.
Elizabeth
Yes. Gretchen we hear from teachers all the time and they always say that their favorite gift you get from a student is a heartfelt card. Yes. Talking about something they learned in their class, something they took from the class. So if you want to write a card or letter and you know you can’t think of how to write, I mean, I guarantee any teacher that you’ve had will appreciate that.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
Well, you know, one of the things that I’m collecting these days is examples of everyday creativity, because I think sometimes people are like, I’m not creative. But no, but you write this hilarious long family newsletter every year or you’re really good at table scapes or you’re really good at making your own postcards with stickers and stamps. And so I think this is a way to have everyday creativity, you know, even just choosing a postcard.
Gretchen
I mean, one of the things I love at the mat is I’ll go in there and just feel like, Ooh, I’ll look at the postcards. The thing is, you need an excuse to buy a postcard. But if you’re sending a postcard, then you have an excuse.
Elizabeth
Right? Exactly.
Gretchen
And actually, I am partnering with Paper Source for a very fun challenge In April. Starting April 1st, you can get 30 days of letter writing prompts for national card and letter writing month. You can use your time for write 24 and 24. You can do it even if you’re not doing write 24 and 24. These are super fun.
Gretchen
You can sign up at happier cars.com slash paper source. That’s paper source with no space, happier cars.com slash paper source.
Elizabeth
That sounds like so much fun. I love your prompt.
Gretchen
I love it from Let us know if you do try this at home and how sending cards or letters works for you. Let us know on Instagram threads. Tick tock Facebook. Drop us an email at podcast. Gretchen Rubicam Or as I said, you can go to happier cars.com slash for 75 for that link and anything related to this episode.
Elizabeth
Coming up, we have a fun hack that will help you stay in touch with a loved one. First, this break.
[music]
Gretchen
Okay Elizabeth here’s a happiness hack for staying in touch with somebody. It’s not a card or letter. It’s another way to engage. Always to engage are good and this is a very whimsical one.
Elizabeth
Yes, Anita said. My cousin and I use rabbit. Rabbit as an excuse to text every month. It keeps us in touch on a regular basis, sometimes just a couple rabbit emojis and sometimes a nice long conversation. Well, first of all, Gretchen, can you explain Rabbit? Rabbit to anybody who doesn’t know?
Gretchen
Okay, so Rabbit. Rabbit is a sort of folk tradition in the United States. In some places. I don’t think it’s universal, but. And the idea is that on the first day of the month before you say anything else, and that is the tricky part, you say rabbit, Rabbit. So that has to be the first thing out of your mouth on the first day of the month.
Gretchen
And if you remember to say Rabbit, rabbit, then you will have good luck. And so this is so charming, right? It’s using the calendar for Catalyst, right? Because on the first day of every month, you’re like, I’m going to text my cousin. I love it.
Elizabeth
Yes. It’s so much fun. Right? You told me when I was little, I don’t know if this was true or just you messing with me as a little sister that you also had to hop around on one foot three times, which I do still.
Gretchen
That may have been an embellishment. I don’t remember hearing about that yet. Listeners. Was that just me messing with my little sister or was this something that is necessary to invoke the luck? Because if so, I’ve been I haven’t been doing it for the last many, many years, though I have been. I do pretty faithfully say rabbit. Rabbit.
Gretchen
I must say I like the idea, too, that you can just send a rabbit emoji or you can have, like, a whole exchange. It’s like, let’s keep the more let’s keep this easy. Okay, great idea. Rabbit. Rabbit. And now for some listener answers related to know spend February. We get so many answers from listeners related to what they thought and what they did related to No.
Gretchen
Seven February.
Elizabeth
Yes. Fascinating. Karen said. Over the years with my young kids, we inevitably end up in very inviting gift shops like at the exits to museums, aquariums, the zoo, or even the corner pharmacy. If one of my kids is very set on getting another toy or stuffed animal. Instead, we take a picture. You can play it up by saying something like, that’s so cool, I really want to take a picture.
Elizabeth
Then we can look at it later. The child can walk out of the shop holding your phone, looking at the picture if they need to. It has always worked wonders at dispelling a tantrum. Taking a picture gives us a chance to delay that instant gratification and decide if it’s truly something we want to come back and buy at a later time.
Elizabeth
I might employ this tactic for myself and know by February.
Gretchen
This is a great solution and I will say I would do it by saying, I’ll write it down. I’ll be like, wow, you think that that’s really great. Okay, I’m going to write that down. It’s almost like the child just needs to somehow have that. You truly acknowledge that something is like really, really great. Yes. And one way to do that is to buy it.
Gretchen
But it is these other forms are surprisingly successful. So that’s a great idea. Zeta says, As I was listening to the No Spin February episode, I was thinking, What if people can invest in themselves? All the money they saved on stuff they don’t even need and how powerful that would be. I know the power of starting small and seeing it grow.
Gretchen
There are tons of resources available to start an emergency fund if you don’t have one, even if it is small at first. Put some money in your retirement fund. Roth IRA, Kids College Fund, or even save for a vacation or other fun stuff. How cool would that be? The point is that just do something even if it is small.
Gretchen
Start a new habit of investing the money in yourself, your future, your family’s future. Just think about this 70% of our economy is consumer spending. So every time you have an impulse to buy something, make a note, put that money aside, and at the end of the month, save that money. Very constructive.
Elizabeth
Yes. Stephanie says for over buyers and under buyers alike, I would recommend using. You need a budget. It’s a budgeting app that has you set up categories and prioritize your plan spending based on what you have right now rather than what you think you’ll be getting soon. Slash some point in the future. For over buyers, this can help curb extra spending by seeing that the money for those yoga pants will be coming at the expense of the money specifically and intentionally set aside for the electricity bill, for example.
Elizabeth
This way you can see exactly what you’re working with and if your spending is aligned with your values. The other side of the coin is that for under buyers, you can feel more at ease making certain purchases like those yoga pants. Maybe because you have set aside money in your clothing category and you know the money is meant for clothing and not being taken from your other categories, like the electricity bill or groceries.
Elizabeth
You need a budget. Also has a one month no spend challenge reframed as a more money challenge that folks can do. And they say that lots of people save about $1,000 in that month. Wow. It’s all about spending intentionally.
Gretchen
That is great. There are many apps that do this. Another listener mentioned Simplify by quick, and there are other ones. It’s a great strategy. Isabella said, I know you put out a call for advice from over buyers, but I’m going to go in the opposite direction. I’m a serious under buyer and I live in a small coastal community that makes it easy to avoid shopping.
Gretchen
The nearest target is an hour away. Imagine the long list of items I keep meaning to replace, or it would really help to own, but I just don’t want to do it. When I listen to the recent episode of No Spend February, I casually thought That’s the opposite of what I need. Wait, that is the opposite of what I need.
Gretchen
So in the spirit of the opposite of a profound truth is also true. I’m committing to big spend February buying 29 items, one for each day of the month, prescription, sunglasses and whole free T-shirts. Here I come. So this is a really great example, is just what one person needs to work on is not necessarily what other people need to work on.
Gretchen
One person needs to buy more, just like some people need to buy love. So that’s good.
Elizabeth
What works for the person? Yeah. Suzanne said. I call it Frugal February. I can’t help myself from saying that. I laughed when you guys said you are under buyers. Yes, you are under buyers when it comes to things you need, like toothpaste or deodorant. But when it comes to once, you two are constantly telling us to buy stuff and sharing your excitement about stuff you bought, I’m very excited for you two to see how much money you save when you guys don’t buy things that you don’t actually need.
Elizabeth
It really would be a huge help to the planet if we all did this. I’m guilty too. Well, it’s a good point, Greg. We may not be the under buyers. We think we are.
Gretchen
I 100% feel busted. Suzanne, thank you for calling that us. And I think no spend February helped us to understand that better to really see us not being able to buy new underwear does not mean that you are through under buyer.
Elizabeth
Right? Right.
Gretchen
Karen wrote, I love Amazon shopping, which many others I’m sure are like me, when it’s so easy to hear something recommended and decide we needed to. And within seconds Amazon is processing and sending it to us. I’ve gotten into the practice of trying to only, quote, proceed to checkout once a week so as I need something I put it in my shopping cart a few days later when I examine my cart.
Gretchen
It’s amazing how many things I decide to delete from the cart or just save for later. There’s something very satisfying about not purchasing, but saving for later when you really do need it. If ever that is, it’s almost as satisfying as the shopping itself. Very, very true. Great strategy.
Elizabeth
Rachel said, I suspect Bob will work for over buyers and those spend February depends on one’s tendency. As an upholder, I just make a rule and I will follow it. Discipline is my freedom. yeah. Obliged to use your accountability partner for a daily text commitment or check in question, or observe your habit and analyze why you buy.
Elizabeth
Is it an impulse boredom habit? Knowing why is the key to change Rebel. All those companies want to sell you something. No, spend February is the ultimate rebellion. Rachel.
Gretchen
I love it myself. Yes. Tap into your tendency to achieve your aim. Anne-Marie writes in with an idea that also addresses that problem of packaging. That’s too good to toss. She writes, I have a suggestion that would solve two issues Joining a local buy nothing group. I have given away packaging to nice to throw away. People use it for craft projects.
Gretchen
Teachers like those things for art projects and people who live in Arby’s or low income housing use tends to store food. I also give away clothes, food for my friends that will go bad when I leave on a trip. Decor and holiday gifts that aren’t my style and I have received many items from my group. So much so that now if I need a new item I ask them.
Gretchen
I buy nothing group first instead. Just in the last six months I have received the following gifts at no cost. Plastic Drinkware for a barbecue, a full size ping pong table as a birthday gift for my son, an alarm clock and supplies for an art class. I teach many, many, many people mentioned by nothing groups, so this is an excellent, excellent resource, Alissa says.
Elizabeth
I have been doing something for the last two months and it’s working well for me. I can only buy treats with cash. I grab my fun budget out of the ATM every week. If I see something I really want online, then I have to take the extra step of going to the bank and depositing the cash I would use into my account.
Elizabeth
And then, and only then may I use my debit card for the online purchase. The inconvenience of it usually helps quell my desire to instantly buy it. Plus, it has made me spend my money much more locally and in small businesses. Now, if I need a clothing fix, I drop into my local boutique rather than scroll through online sales.
Elizabeth
It has slowed me down in an extremely pleasant way and has saved my budget.
Gretchen
This is using the strategy of inconvenience very cleverly and also for many people. Using cash makes spending real. For some people it’s credit cards. Oddly, because there’s a record they feel like more on the books if it’s a credit card. But for some people, like letting go of cash is harder. So she’s really knowing herself and setting herself up.
Gretchen
Christine writes, A game changer for me was taking 5 minutes to go into my apps and edit my preferences to make it so that I get very few ads in my feeds. It’s actually super easy and there are multiple ways to hide things. For example, in Tick Tock, you can go into your settings and customize your ads. Default mode has just about everything turned on.
Gretchen
You can turn off personalized ads for things like apparel and accessories, beauty and personal care, pets, household products, and about a dozen other categories. You can also hide hashtags, search a hashtag, and on the far right, the list will come up long press and click dislike or in your settings under content preferences is a spot to filter video keywords out.
Gretchen
You can click dislike or filter hashtags such as hashtag tick tock, shop. Tick tock made me buy it. Amazon Hall, tame Google and more. You can do similar things on Instagram and I think Facebook. Since taking the time to do this, I get very few ad shopping halls and product reviews in my feed, which is great because as an over buyer I’m easily influenced to buy.
Gretchen
I also encourage everyone to just take a look through the ads settings and all your social media apps. There’s a lot of stuff that is automatically turned on that might be eye opening for you. Whether or not you struggle with over buying.
Elizabeth
That is a great suggestion. I didn’t even know you could do that. Yeah. Finally, Beth says, Every January, my husband and I play a game. We’ve affectionately named a Survivor pantry, so we do not purchase most groceries in January. We eat the food we have already purchased. This means we clean out the pantry and the freezer. This saves us money and gets the kitchen ready for spring cleaning.
Elizabeth
This year is year 17. For us. Most years we spend less than $40 for the entire month and it’s a good reminder not to be wasteful. It’s also a great budget tool. Right after Christmas as we bank our food dollars not spent.
Gretchen
I mean, where is the reality TV show of Survivor Fantasy Island?
Elizabeth
I mean, yeah, no, it could absolutely be a show. No question.
Gretchen
You would watch. I think that’s so sad, so good. So this was really interesting to hear what people did and learn from no spend February. I think, Elizabeth, you and I learned a lot about ourselves.
Elizabeth
Yes, we did. We did. We buy more than we think we do.
Gretchen
We sure do.
Elizabeth
Coming up, I’ve got a gold star for our dad. But first, this break.
[Music]
Elizabeth
Okay, Gretch, we are back with demerits and gold stars, and this week you are up with a happiness demerit.
Gretchen
Yes, And this is a repeat demerit. I think that this is just one of the challenges of life maybe, which is that I just have not been reading enough. And it’s just my soul gets parched when I am not reading like I know that I need to read if I’m going to be happier. And I just have been I’ve been doing a lot of working on the weekend and I always have that thing like, if I may, just reading for fun, should I?
Gretchen
I just want to tackle this one more thing. I’ll just feel so much better if I just cross this one thing off my list, but then the whole day goes away anyway. In true demerit spirit, I am giving myself this demerit to remind myself of how important this is to me. Is this like a core value of my life?
Gretchen
And I cannot let other things crowded out. I am recommitting myself to reading.
Elizabeth
Good. That’s how I think of you as reading always.
Gretchen
Well, that’s like key to my identity. It’s. It’s so important to me. So how can I not read? I have to read. But, Elizabeth, what is your gold star.
Elizabeth
Or a grudge? I am giving a gold star to our dad who has been texting. And that’s what my gold star is for. You know, it took some time for us to get Dad up to speed on his devices. Yeah, but he really has made so much progress and now if we text a picture or some piece of information, Dad responds, he gets it.
Elizabeth
He’s part of the text chain, which is great because it just makes it that much easier for all of us to communicate. And I love being able to text Dad and know that he’s getting it and he can text back. So it’s not easy to start something when you’re not used to it. And you know, Dad has never been great with typing.
Elizabeth
Yeah, so typing does not come naturally for him. Yeah. He has committed himself. Yes. And he is a person who continues to evolve. He is a lifelong learner.
Gretchen
He sure is.
Elizabeth
And he has learned to text and he is texting.
Gretchen
Now. It’s a funny thing where you were like, you have to memorize huge amounts of information about like the introduction of the printing press. He’s on it.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
But texting it was a little bit more effortful. Yeah. So Gold Star, Well done. We’ve all been there with technology. It’s great when we figure it out and when it works. So Gold Star. Yeah. And the resource for this week, as I mentioned, you can sign up for the 30 day letter writing challenge at happiercast com slash paper source.
Gretchen
If you use the happy app you can also find the daily prompt there. Plus you can get 10% off if you go to a paper source dot com for the month of April and use the code happier ten that’s happier ten at paper source dot com for the month of April for 10% off and what are we reading Elizabeth what are you reading.
Elizabeth
I am reading the whispers by Ashley Odhran.
Gretchen
And I’m reading the Voyager manuscript by Clemens at Harkness. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Write some cards or letters. Let us know if you tried it and if it works for you.
Elizabeth
Thank you to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Odyssey. Get in touch. Questions on Instagram threads Facebook and TikTok at Gretchen Rubin. And I’m on Instagram and threads at Liz Craft. Our email address is podcast at Gretchen Rubin dot com.
Gretchen
And if you like this show, please write us, review us, subscribe. These are very easy to do and they really help this show.
Elizabeth
And so next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
Elizabeth
Grad Speaking of family texting, have you noticed? I’ve been texting a lot of photos of my outfits lately.
Gretchen
Yes. What? Yeah, I have noticed that. What’s what’s behind that.
Elizabeth
I guess, is is the zeitgeist. All these teenagers do that. They don’t fit checks. So, I don’t know. I just started doing it and I enjoy it.
Gretchen
You’re so on trend.
Elizabeth
I hopefully you like seeing those photos. Hopefully it’s not a burden.
Gretchen
I love it from the onward project.