Try This at Home
Dig in with “Determination Day” on February 28.
We mention the Happier Trifecta.
We also mention the “Four Tendencies” personality framework. Take the quiz here to learn whether you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel.
We also mention the “Habits for Happiness” quiz.
For Determination Day, sign up for my habits workshop: “Creating a Plan for Your Next New Habit.” This 90-minute workshop will be held on Zoom, on Thursday, February 29th, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. PT / 7:00 p.m. ET. Join the conversation!
Happiness Hack
Think about re-framing the time you spend waiting in an airport.
This hack was inspired by Andy Warhol, who wrote: “Today my favorite kind of atmosphere is the airport atmosphere.” The Philosophy of Andy Warhol (Amazon, Bookshop)
Four Tendencies Tip
Rebel listeners give suggestions about the strategies they use to maintain their good habits.
Demerits & Gold Stars
Gretchen’s Demerit: My husband Jamie handed me a set of keys, I put them in my vest pocket, panicked that I’d misplaced them, looked around for a long time, then realized that they were right in my pocket the whole time.
Elizabeth’s Gold Star: She gives a gold star to her dinner party—she feels so re-energized.
Resource
If you’re looking for readings for a wedding or a memorial service, check out these compilations of suggestions from readers.
What We’re Reading
*This transcript is unedited*
[469]
[music]
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to a happier a podcast about how to be happier.
Gretchen
We discuss cutting edge science, the wisdom of the ages, lessons from pop culture and our own experiences about how to be happier. This week, we’ll talk about why we should dig in on Determination Day, and we will share many comments from rebels with their ideas about how they work with their rebel tendency to stick to their good habits and I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits.
Gretchen
The five Senses Human nature. I’m in New York City. I’m not in my little home office. I’m elsewhere in an undisclosed location in my apartment. But joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer living in L.A.. And Gretch, I’m wearing my Choose the Bigger Life shirt today.
Gretchen
Excellent. And I’m drinking out of my koi themed mug.
Elizabeth
yes.
Gretchen
You are about 2024 and getting happy. That’s right. But before we dive in, we got a really fun update from a listener related to gold stars. Of course, we love gold stars. We talk about gold stars every episode. And this was a great gold Star story.
Elizabeth
Gretchen We talked about gold stars in episode 468 and of course we talked in every episode about gold stars and listener Diane said an obituary of George Davis from the Lexington County Chronicle in Lexington, South Carolina. And part of it read Davis was known for passing out gold stars. He made with the expression, You deserve a gold star minted on them.
Elizabeth
He passed them to others he felt deserved recognition. So Gretch, George Davis is someone we would have appreciated very much.
Gretchen
I mean, this is next level, Elizabeth. Maybe this is something that we challenge ourselves to do to actually have physical gold stars that we hand out throughout the day. I would find that to be very delightful.
Elizabeth
Yes. And I’m sure you’d like to receive a gold star.
Gretchen
Absolutely. Absolutely. So thank you, Diane, for sending that in. That’s a beautiful tribute. And Elizabeth, this week are try this at home. Tip is to dig in with determination day.
Elizabeth
Yeah. So Determination Day is February 28th. Explain what it is.
Gretchen
Yeah. So this is a day we made up because what research shows is many, many people make resolutions around January 1st, and by mid to late February, most people have abandoned those resolutions. So you often see this mentioned called quitters day or Discouragement day. And that just seemed like a bad idea for me. We’re trying to make our lives happier.
Gretchen
Today is always the right time to begin. You’re never too late. Jump in and I’m also a big fan of using the calendar as a catalyst for reflection. And so given the fact that by the end of February, we know that most people are struggling with the resolutions, it seemed like, let’s reframe this list. If you love a good reframe, let’s make the last year, February, February 28th, This year there’s the bonus day, but usually it’s February 28th.
Gretchen
It’s not leap year and call it determination day and use that as a day to stay determined, to persist, to figure out what needs to change, what’s working, what’s not working, what do you want to let go of? What do you want to hang on to? What are your values? Really use that time as a new beginning where you feel like I’m not behind.
Gretchen
I’m. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
Elizabeth
Well, this is particularly useful for me this year, Gretchen, because as you know, I was so sick at the beginning of the year, I got off to such a rocky start with all of my resolutions for 2024. So I’m really embracing determination day this year.
Gretchen
Well, and it’s good. A lot of people make resolutions, but then they’re also the people who do the trifecta, one or two or three elements of our trifecta. So that can be the one word theme doing the annual challenge, which this year, of course, is right, 24 and 24, or making your 24, four, 24 list. So maybe you haven’t finished your 24 424 list or maybe you haven’t started it, but you still think it’s a fun idea.
Gretchen
Do it on determination Day or maybe you kind of forgot about your one word thing is, Elizabeth, that’s happened to us a couple of times where you’re like, wait, I forgot. I’m supposed to all be about delegate this year and I haven’t done one thing. I’m determined. Action Day is a chance to take a pause, reflect, think on what you said you were going to do or what you’re deciding that you want to do right now.
Elizabeth
And just do it. Get going. Yeah. And we had an interesting observation, Gretchen, from our listener, Linda. She said, Since it is a new year 2024, I wish you could address the topic of who or what needs to be kicked to the curb. In other words, habits. Things are people who no longer serve or benefit you, and so you should no longer put your energy there.
Gretchen
Well, I think this is a great reminder because this is another thing you can do on Determination Day, which is decide you don’t want to do something anymore. And I think that’s one of the easiest ways. I think I wrote about that in the Happiness Project. One of the easiest ways to complete a project is to abandon. It is to decide, Hey, you know what?
Gretchen
I don’t want to do that anymore. And I did that on my 23, 423 list where I was like, You know what I put on that? I wanted to make a time capsule, but I just decided I didn’t want to do it. And so I think Determination Day is a great chance to do it. And maybe you want to do this a couple of times because I think Linda’s right that sometimes we don’t think about the fact that I could just not do this anymore.
Gretchen
If this isn’t benefiting me, if this isn’t serving me. I did that with meditation where, you know, on and off I’ve tried meditation, I did my silent meditation retreat. I keep trying it and then I keep deciding. Now I’m not going to persist. But sometimes that’s clear and sometimes that’s not so clear.
Elizabeth
Yeah, well, sometimes it’s sticky. Like, is a friendship working for you? Is this certain club you’re in working for you is.
Gretchen
Do you really never go to that gym anymore? And so, yeah, it’s time to, like, deal with it and cancel it or join a different gym that’s closer to your house. Now that you’re not going to the office as much, it is sticky. There’s a stickiness to whatever we’re doing that can make it hard to stop. And then sometimes you just have to have a different approach.
Gretchen
So on my 24 four, 24 list, I talked about this that I really want to go to Japan. That was on my list. And Jamie just said, With everything that’s going on in his work life this year is just he doesn’t want to take that kind of big, ambitious family trip this year. So I cross that off my list.
Gretchen
But now I’m like, well, what’s a more manageable family trip? Because I still want us to have a family adventure together. What could that be? And so now it has to be reconsidered. I’m using Determination Day to think through that and then, you know, and talk to him like, well, what does he think would make for a great family vacation so we can plan together?
Gretchen
And then I also realized this is a thing I really struggle with. And Elizabeth, I think it’s an issue for you and probably for many people where there’s something that we really do want to do, but we don’t make the time for it. And it’s the time that’s really the issue. So, you know, I want to do watercolor.
Gretchen
Yeah. What I’ve learned about myself is I like signing up for courses in-person or like video courses. I like writing down resources, everything like you can turn an Altoid tin into a traveling watercolor palette. I’m like, That looks amazing. I’ll write down that link. I like buying supplies. I’ll anything like office supplies or art supplies I really like to buy.
Gretchen
Not this month, of course, because we’re in no by February. But generally I like to buy. But the fact is you got to do it.
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gretchen
It’s so easy to, like, have the resources and the lessons and the stuff pile up and I’m like, what? I really need to focus in is the time and that is what I’m going to do. And Determination Day is like, What does this look like in terms of my calendar? When is this happening? Because I’ve got plenty of everything I need.
Gretchen
What I need to do is to focus on the time.
Elizabeth
Yeah, so you need to put it on the schedule or it won’t happen.
Gretchen
Yes, exactly.
Elizabeth
Yeah, I know. For me, Gretch, there’s also I have a fear of doing things like, you know, I want to do Orange theory and being sick set me awry on that. And now I have, like, a fear of going and doing it and just being so tired, so bad. And so I need to get over my fear, which I have to say, I could also see applying to something like watercolor, even though there’s no physical fear I could see just being intimidated.
Elizabeth
Yeah, intimidating. So for me, that’s an element of using Determination Day to sort of get past my own psychological blocks.
Gretchen
And I think that maybe also Determination Day could serve as a deadline for you because you’re somebody you talk about this all the time, you really benefit from a deadline. So it’s like on or before February 28th, I will go to an order plus. So that’s that’s tapping into the four tendencies, which is also a great thing to think about as you’re thinking about what works and doesn’t work for you.
Gretchen
Because I think a lot of times when a habit isn’t working for someone, like a new habit that they’re trying to set up, it’s often because they haven’t taken their tendency into account. So rebels are trying to use their calendar, but calendars don’t work for rebels or obliges are trying to like work on their motivation where it’s not about their motivation, it’s about accountability or upholders like me.
Gretchen
They haven’t put that watercolor on the calendar, so it always gets shoved to the bottom because everything that’s on the calendar gets done. But I need to get it into the calendar and then it will get done. Questioners need to think about the why and the efficiency. So if you don’t know what we’re talking about, take the quiz.
Gretchen
All will be revealed. Gretchen Rubin, dot com slash quiz and you will find out if you’re an upholder, a questioner, oblige or a rebel. This is something that often comes up when people are struggling with a habit. In my observation, often it is because they haven’t set it up. Classic example is in a blazer who’s like, I’m going to get up early every morning and do a 30 minute YouTube video.
Gretchen
And I’m like, Where’s the accountability in that? Like, you just need there’s a million ways to create accountability for that, but you have to include that step. And a simple, simple change could unlock that whole habit for years.
Elizabeth
Yes. And Gretchen, speaking of Determination Day, February 28, there is still time to sign up for your workshop.
Gretchen
Yes. I am so excited about this workshop. Okay, so this is about creating a plan for your next new habit. Because, you know, I have my quiz. Would sells you. You know what next new habit is going to make a difference for you and that’s again, a Gretchen dot slash quiz. But what I found is that people would they’d get their result and they’d be thinking, okay, well what is the habit?
Gretchen
You know, because often there might be many, many habits that you could think about that would help you achieve that aim. What should I do? How should I go about sticking to it? How can I avoid pitfalls? If you’re going to do the workshop, come with some ideas for how do you want to implement this? And then we will be a chance to talk about it.
Gretchen
We can all learn from each other. Really Think about why are these habits leading to happiness? What can be gained from them, and how do you set them up so that you achieve, you know, you’re happier, healthier, more productive, more creative as a result? I cannot wait. This is going to be 90 minutes. It’s virtual. It’s Zoom. Thursday, February 29.
Gretchen
So to do on leap day, we all love sleep day 4 p.m. Pacific 7 p.m. Eastern have your cars.com slash workshop. This is going to be really fun. I love this is kind of my happiness bullet. I’d like to just talking to people about what their habits are, what they’re planning and I plan to take a lot of notes.
Gretchen
We might get some good try this at home and hacks out of it. So join that topic. Cars.com slash.
Elizabeth
Workshop. Yes. Congrats, by the way, My habit that I should focus on, you know, is around investing and saving and money. And I just want to tell you, there might be some exciting news about my will coming soon. I’ll leave that there. who? Who?
Gretchen
Stay told I am on the edge of my seat, so let us know if you do try this at home and how digging in for determined Action day works for you. What are you going to do? Let us know on Instagram threads. Ticktock, Facebook. Drop us an email at podcast at Gretchen Rubin dot com Or as always, you can go to the show notes this is happier cars.com slash four six, nine for everything related to this episode.
Elizabeth
Coming up, we have a happiness hack inspired by Andy Warhol. But first is break.
[music]
Okay great. It is time for this week’s happiness hack and this is an intriguing notion from Andy Warhol.
Gretchen
Yes. So you know, I love aphorisms and secrets of adulthood and I am not a huge fan of Andy Warhol’s art, his visual art, but I love his writing and his interviews. And this was an observation he made in the philosophy of Andy Warhol. And he said today, my favorite kind of atmosphere is the airport atmosphere. And I thought this was so intriguing because, Elizabeth, you are the reframe queen.
Gretchen
And I just thought this was a great way to reframe the airport, because I always think of the airport atmosphere as like something to be gotten through. It’s like friction. It’s something that you want to have as little as possible. It’s kind of a negative. And when I read this from Andy Warhol, I was like, This is somebody who’s like, I love the airport atmosphere.
Gretchen
I enjoy it. My favorite kind of atmosphere is the airport atmosphere. And it made me think, What is it about the airport atmosphere and the airport experience generally that I could say, I enjoyed this part of being in an airport or being in an airport because you and I, we get there early, so we’re flying. There’s airport time for sure.
Elizabeth
Yes. And one thing we were talking about you can do is really look around at the art in airports, because more and more there’s amazing art usually from any city that you’re in, local artists. And they might be these enormous, really cool pieces that you wouldn’t see otherwise.
Gretchen
Yeah. And then there’s sometimes like exhibits related to the city, just kind of displays of all kinds, like I was in one and it was sort of like flight attendant uniforms through the ages, or it’ll be like a famous inventor from that city. They’ll have historical things, water features. Now, there was a New York City’s LaGuardia has this kind of new water feature that’s just you’re like, that’s a kind of a cool water feature.
Gretchen
And what I like is like, it’s not we don’t have to consider this wasted time. We can reclaim it. We can say, I will use this time. I will really look around me. That’s a very five senses thing. I will look around.
Elizabeth
Yes, well, and you can look in the stores for local products. Also in the Kansas City barbecue sauce and guys, potato chips.
Gretchen
Yes.
Elizabeth
And Gretchen, one thing you’ve talked about is getting in steps at the airport.
Gretchen
Yes. I’m a huge fan of doing this. I mean, there have been times when I’ve gotten six or 7000 steps in, even without being delayed. You can really get a lot of walking in. And I’ve also heard of using it for certain kinds of reading or writing. So a friend of mine said, and this was for travel generally, but I think you could also apply it just to airport time.
Gretchen
She only read novels when she traveled for work, and so she would never work during that time. And so I think you could say something like, Well, I’m only going to read for fun when I’m waiting in an airport waiting room. Like maybe you’re going to work on the flight, but when you’re waiting, you’re going to just read for pleasure or maybe, you know, write 24 for 24 if you’re looking for another way to write.
Gretchen
I remember talking to a father. He traveled a lot for work and he used the time when he was sitting on a flight when he was seated. But but it wasn’t in the air yet. He would use that to write in a journal that he kept for his three young sons. He did it when he was on the plane.
Gretchen
But you could also say, I’m going to do this when I’m in the airport waiting room, use it for a certain kind of writing. And then, of course, you know, listen, all this is about the five senses. You know what we see, We’re walking around with our feet. But the smells of airports right there, we have lots of.
Gretchen
Okay, what is okay, Let’s see if we get to the same answer. What is the most specific, most distinctive smell that you smell in an airport?
Elizabeth
Yes. It’s like Auntie Anne’s every airport in the U.S. has Auntie Anne’s very specific smell.
Gretchen
Yes, very specific smell. And then in terms of taste, I remember hearing somebody I knew we were talking about the the distinction between abstainers and moderators and sometimes abstainers, who are people who give up something altogether. They’ll have very planned exceptions. And this was a guy who basically didn’t eat sugar, except that he had the planned exception of that he would always go to Cinnabon if he were in the Newark airport.
Gretchen
So for him, the airport atmosphere of the Newark Airport specifically was very Cinnabon. And I thought that was very funny because it was like he’s like now I love going through through Newark.
Elizabeth
I love it. And I want to hear what other people embrace in the airport. Like, do they get like a back massage? Some places have massage chairs. You know, what do they do to embrace the atmosphere of the airport?
Gretchen
Right. And it’s funny, you can have it for specific airports like in the San Francisco airport. I love going to the bookstore and looking at the staff picks. For some reason, their staff picks are like, exactly my taste. So that’s something I can do at the airport in San Francisco. But yeah, what are other things people have found as a way to reframe that time as reclaim time and enjoyable time instead of just treating it as something that we need to power our way through.
Elizabeth
Yes, who knows, Gretch, maybe people will start to look forward to spending 2 hours in the airport.
Gretchen
Absolutely. Like Andy Warhol. Let’s let’s find a way. And now, Elizabeth, we are going to talk about tips related to the four tendencies.
Elizabeth
Yes. Which we are going to talk about rebels and what strategies they use to maintain their habits. Yes.
Gretchen
Now, this is again, if you don’t know about the four tendencies, take the quiz. And this is useful to think about because Rebel is the most different tendency. They are the most different from UPHOLDERS, questioners obligers. And a lot of times the things that work for Upholders, clusters of behaviors don’t work well for rebels. And so it’s really helpful to hear from rebels about what they have found.
Gretchen
And this is useful whether you are a rebel or if you have another rebel in your life, because if there’s a rebel at home or at work, if you understand the way they think, you’re more likely to be able to be helpful or at least neutral and not get in their way. Because the fact is sometimes upholders, questioners and avoiders do kind of interfere with rebels with all good intentions because we just don’t understand their perspective.
Gretchen
So I think it’s really helpful to hear from rebels. And you’ll notice as you hear these, some of them are a little bit repetitive, but I think it’s helpful to hear from different rebels because they have slightly different ways that they approach even the same strategy. And I think that that can be useful in just understanding how rebels think.
Elizabeth
Yes, so Summer said it’s difficult, but here is how I do it. One I have about 15 constantly evolving mantras that remind me of the type of person I want to be. For example, I am an explorer and citizen of the world. An explorer has to be strong enough to go on adventures, so I better exercise too. I give myself plenty of choices about how to do things.
Elizabeth
For example, I can do leg day at home, at the gym, or hike up a mountain. Similarly, I set very abstract goals, which allows many different paths to achieve them. Smart goals are the kiss of death for me, smart being specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. Three I identify and focus on principles and relationships that are extremely valuable to me, then align my decisions accordingly.
Elizabeth
I won’t blow those up, but everything else is fair game for it helps to have a big new thing on the horizon that I can work toward, like a hiking trip, a finish novel or a travel on the harder, the better. And five I work a ton of variety into my life for a fairly stable suburban mother of five.
Elizabeth
Wow. I’m lucky enough to work two highly meaningful part time jobs. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten the same meal twice and I’m always learning something new. My rebel tendencies have been a major blessing in my life. I never let, can’t or should dictate my decisions. And as a consequence, my life and relationships are beautiful. That’s fantastic.
Gretchen
I love this. This is like literally a roundup of all the things that I suggest in the book. The Four Tendencies for Rebels. This is this is fantastic, But notice how she says that smart goals don’t work for her as a rebel. That is often advice that people give. You are smart goals. You sparkles. They don’t work for everybody.
Gretchen
No tool fits every hand, Brian says. I constantly invent systems to organize my thoughts and behaviors which are often deconstructed and reconstructed. I’ve learned to be okay with this process and that the results are more important than the system I use to enable those results. Such a good idea.
Elizabeth
Beckett says. I tell no one because the second someone asks about it, it’s over. We hear that a lot. Yes.
Gretchen
Nudging, reminding, even praising a rebel can make it harder for them. Nicole writes I don’t like having my time very structured and I like to be able to do what I want when I want as far as possible. But for some reason I am very good at streaks, whether exercise or Duolingo or cold water dipping. And I sort of trick myself into it by challenging myself to keep at it.
Gretchen
Then I get a lot of confidence that if I say I’ll do something, I will, even though I hate to be held to things interesting.
Elizabeth
Lori said I use many goals to hit a target. Basically, I trick my rebel self. You only have to do dishes, exercise, cleaning the thing for 5 minutes, then you can go back to having fun.
Gretchen
Smart. Christina says, I can’t tell anyone because the minute someone tries to helpfully remind me, I push back. Sometimes the person telling me it’s unlikely works so I can rebel against their authority. yeah. Watching me seems to be my mantra then, but it has to be something I genuinely want and that they genuinely think is improbable. Other times I can use my own identity as someone whose word is her bond, like signing up for personal training and then just showing up for the workout.
Elizabeth
Yana says, I have a million balls in the air at all times, so I’m always progressing at something, even if other things are lagging behind. One of your tips for rebels was to take pictures. I found this to be a fun way to keep track of projects and progress.
Gretchen
Yes, in the happier app, that’s one of the tools that you can use is the photo log. And I’ve noticed that rebels often will use the photo log. Erin writes, I keep my goals to myself. Telling other people ruins it. Also, I make my goals a kind of rebellion. My own goals are always longer and heavier than the recommended.
Gretchen
So again, it’s a.
Elizabeth
Challenge, Leslie says. Strike when the iron is hot. When I am in the mood to do something, I will go for it. Full force. If I’m not, it is so hard to do.
Gretchen
That’s right. My husband of 42 years is a rebel. And guess what I am? It starts with, she’s referring to the fact that rebels often pair up with the bludgers. And about ten years ago, he started setting alarms on his phone to remind him to do anything he had to do. It kind of drives me bonkers because many times he’s not even around his phone when his alarm sounds, the obliging me has to turn it off and then tell him his alarm was beeping.
Gretchen
I have to say, I’ve heard this from other rebels and it’s not something I would have thought would work for rebels. But it does seem to be something. Setting alarms seems to work for them.
Elizabeth
Rochelle says. I have to gamify things as I really hate losing. It’s like being told you can’t do something. For example, I used the Way Better app to bet money that I could complete fitness challenges, Jade said.
Gretchen
I keep a very loose schedule, a weekly set of pull tasks which I can choose from. This has been much more successful for me than doing things on certain days. I do activity goals, but no smart goals. There’s that smart goal again, no exact numbers, no quotas. I hate all that. If I work toward a goal, it all counts.
Gretchen
If I have to do something giving myself as much freedom and choice as I can in where, how, what I bring, what I do the rest of the day works and grants.
Elizabeth
Finally, Mills says, I am a rebel. I took the test seven times and the category stuck. Ironically, I love a list, but I choose what I do on the list I identify as a productive person, so I get stuff done on the list. I have always been 100% commission salesperson because that way I can do what I want.
Elizabeth
You don’t really have a boss. You’re your own boss. Gretchen’s work really illuminated how I think, act and show up in the world.
Gretchen
This was fascinating, Elizabeth I think this is really helpful for rebels and people around rebels to understand what works, what doesn’t work.
Elizabeth
Yes. To me, the biggest takeaway is if you have a rebel in your life, don’t praise them for their good habits because it can just yes, backfire. And it seems like that’s true of many, many, many rebels.
Gretchen
Get out of the way. Let them do their own work in their own way. Absolutely.
Elizabeth
All right. Coming up, Gretchen has a demerits related to something that she tells people all the time to do and she didn’t do herself. First, this break.
[music]
Elizabeth
Okay, Gretch, it’s time for demerits and gold stars. And you are up this week with a happiness demerit. This made me laugh.
Gretchen
Yes. Okay, so one of the principles of if you’ve lost an item and you need to look for it, one of the things that is very important to do is to look very, very, very carefully where you think that thing ought to be. Because to a surprising extent, that thing is there. And it’s either it’s just been covered up by somebody put a laptop on top of it so you don’t see the piece of paper or, you know, it’s in the wrong pocket of your backpack.
Gretchen
And so you don’t realize it’s there. But it is there it is where you think it is. So the rule is look very, very carefully before you think that it’s not there. So but here it comes. So, Jamie, you know, I wear my Uniqlo vest constantly all throughout the winter, and it has like four pockets. And Jamie handed me a set of keys and I put them in the vest pocket because that’s where they’re going to be.
Gretchen
But then 2 hours later, he said, Where are the keys? And I felt around and I didn’t feel them. And I panicked and I scrambled and I was like, I did that thing where I tried to find a way to. But I did actually blame him for. I’m like, Why did you hand me those keys when you knew I was so distracted?
Gretchen
You know, I am such a believer. And he laughed at me. And so I, like, you know, did the thing where you run around and fitfully look very unpredictably and very systematically and then finally I remember the rule. Look very carefully where the thing is supposed to be. You think, how hard can it be to search for pockets?
Gretchen
Turns out it is not that hard. And there they were. Yeah, they had been in my pocket the whole time, and I knew that that’s exactly where I would have put them. Yes, I knew these rules. I know myself. What was the problem?
Elizabeth
You know, we have to learn everything over and over again. We really do.
Gretchen
Over and over again. Yes. So anyway, that’s that. I will not forget that one for a while. Take us up. What’s your gold.
Elizabeth
Star? Well, I am giving a gold star to my dinner party. It’s not even to me. It’s to my dinner party. I had a dinner party the other night, and Gretchen, you know, I have been so sick. I haven’t been socializing. I haven’t been doing things. And it just brought me back to the world. Yeah, I said afterward, I feel like I’ve been, like a crabby, cranky zombie walking around, and now I finally feel like myself again.
Elizabeth
And it’s because I just need to be with people. I need that.
Gretchen
And you are very special.
Elizabeth
That it brings me to light. It really does. And so that’s my gold star.
Gretchen
Well, I want to give a gold star for you because you really have been sick and low energy. And for you and for me both entertaining is always something that I think takes special energy. We don’t take to it the way some people do. And so this is really the kind of thing where you did something. Now it’s called hypnotic forecasting.
Gretchen
Like, I don’t feel like doing this right now, but I know in the long run it’s going to make me happier. And it really did feel like it took a lot out of you to get ready. And then you had this huge payoff.
Elizabeth
Yeah, you got to do these things.
Gretchen
Gold stars and the resource for this week. Okay, It’s Valentine’s Day season and many people have been asking for the wedding readings that we have compiled over the years. And these are ones that we used in our own weddings and we compiled a bunch from listeners. Yeah. So if you’re looking for a reading for a wedding or if you just think it would be fun to read a bunch of readings related to love, you can get that at Gretchen Rubin dot com slash resources or I’ll post the direct link in the show notes and Elizabeth what are we reading?
Gretchen
What are you reading?
Elizabeth
I’m reading My Name is Barbra by Barbra Streisand.
Gretchen
And I’m reading Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember to try this at home. Dig in with Determination Day. Let know if you tried it and if it worked for you.
Elizabeth
Thanks to our executive producer Chuck Reed and everyone at Cadence 13. Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram threads, Facebook and TikTok. Gretchen Rubin. And I’m on Instagram and Threads at Liz Craft. Our email address is podcast to Gretchen Rubin dot com.
Gretchen
And if you like this show, please recommend to a friend rate review, follow and unpause. We really appreciate.
Elizabeth
It. Until next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.
Elizabeth
Gretchen, so where are you and your undisclosed location? In your apartment?
Gretchen
Yeah, I’m in the living room. I had to, like, move all my stuff. I’m surrounded by pillows that I pulled off of chairs and sofas. But it’s the beauty of technology. Yes, I’ve got studio wherever I am.
Elizabeth
Well, you sound to me.
[music]
Gretchen
From the onward project.