Update
If you want to calculate the numbers of days, hours, or minutes someone has been alive, to celebrate an unconventional birthday, you can calculate it here.
Try This at Home
For the next five weeks, as we’re counting down to the publication of my book Life in Five Senses, we’re doing a special series of Try-This-at-Homes based around each of the five senses.
For seeing: Find your own ways to look around a museum, or gallery, or show.
I mention the Pantone Color of the Year.
For more suggestions, I wrote an article, “35 Ways to Look at Art.”
Happiness Hack
Create a medical history document that gathers information on doctors, prescriptions, test results, etc.
Deep Dive: Listeners’ Answers
In episode 414, an OBLIGER/Rebel asked for suggestions about how to manage a challenge that’s quite common for this combination of Tendencies: as an Obliger, accountability is necessary, but accountability also inspires resistance and resentment.
Listeners suggested many terrific approaches.
Don’t know whether you’re an Upholder, Questioner, Obliger, or Rebel? Take the free quick quiz here.
Demerits & Gold Stars
- Gretchen’s Demerit: Why can’t I stop accumulating tote bags?
- Elizabeth’s Gold Star: Her husband Adam had prepared well for the recent power outage.
Resource
In the mood for some spring cleaning? Try the jump-start in the Happier app. It will give you seven days of prompts for curating your keepsakes—a common clutter-clearing challenge. It will appear in the app starting on March 19, 2023.
What we’re reading
421
Gretchen
Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast where we discuss cutting-edge science, the wisdom of the ages, lessons from pop culture, and our own experiences about how to be happier. This week we’ll talk about how we can all find our own way to look around a museum, and we will share listener suggestions for the oblige user who needs accountability but also resists accountability.
[Music]
Gretchen
I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, The Five Senses. I’m in my little home office here in New York City, and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. One of my favorite guinea pigs in my constant voyage of self-exploration.
Elizabeth
That’s me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer, and producer living in L.A., And Greg, I was going to say, I’m here representing all obligers of the world.
Gretchen
That’s right. We’ve heard from many Obligers. Yes. Before we jump in, we got a couple of interesting responses from listeners to highlight before we get started.
Elizabeth
Yes. Abby says in your recent episode 419 about the five senses in regards to productivity, it got me thinking about the distraction of smell being seemingly uncommon. My husband is very sensitive to certain smells, and if there’s one in the house and he can’t stand, he can’t rest until he finds it and removes it. Not just a classic dirty socks that got lost, but certain fresh foods.
Elizabeth
Cauliflower is the biggest offender in our house. He knows the instant enters the house and thankfully neither of us like it, so it’s not a common occurrence. This happens so much with different smells. I’ve made up a new word to describe it. Smelltdown. It also brings him back to Earth in a whimsical way.
Gretchen
Having a funny word for it. Listen, I know the smelltdown. I didn’t know this word, but my daughter Eleanor, when she was little, she could not bear the smell of a car. We live in New York City, and so she didn’t need to get into cars as much as a lot of suburban kids. But sometimes we would get into taxis, or when we’d be in Kansas City, we would get into cars and she would just just weep in agony.
Gretchen
And we tried giving her sachets to hold and air fresheners and everything. And even to this day she doesn’t like the smell of cars, but I mean, she just found it unbearable and she would, she would cry and scream and, and it was truly a smelltdown. So I get it.
Elizabeth
I love that term. And I think some people must have a more sensitive sense of smell. So they just smell things differently from them.
Gretchen
A friend of mine said her mother had to move because she just there was a smell that she could smell and no one else could smell it. And they tried this and they tried that and no one else could smell it, and I was like, Do you think it was just sort of imaginary? And she said, no, because it was just like very specific.
Gretchen
And then when she moved, she didn’t have it anymore. So it was just, you know, the body is so amazing. We talked about the very fun idea of celebrating a birthday by celebrating how many days you’ve been alive, not how many years you’ve been alive. A woman’s husband surprised her with her 20th day birthday. Well, I heard from Mike.
Gretchen
The thoughtful husband emailed me with a little helpful hack for people who are wondering, like given leap years and all that, how to exactly do I calculated the date and he said, if you go to the website called mycalculators.net/entertainment/age-calculator, it will calculate all these kinds of birthdays to the each 1,000th.
Gretchen
And I tried it and it’s super fun. I’ll put a link in the show notes because that’s kind of a mouthful. But if you were thinking that you were intrigued and you were wondering if like a big thousandth milestone birthday was coming up for you or someone in your life, you do not need to do this with paper and pen.
Gretchen
As always, the internet will do that for you. On mycalculators.net.
Elizabeth
Yes. And then grids were also asking listeners if they have any easy fun, gentle April Fools jokes to send us. Yes, we don’t want to really terrorize anyone just looking for those fun.
Gretchen
Yeah, a fun prank. I want to prank Eleanor, as I do every year, and I’m looking for some ideas. We’ve gotten some really good ones. Keep them coming.
Elizabeth
Yes, especially if they have to do with the five senses.
Gretchen
And they all do seem to have to do with the five senses. That’s something I didn’t realize is like that’s how these pranks often work, is they trick your sense of smell or that your sense of sight. Yes. Yeah, it’s very funny. Now, speaking of the five senses, this week’s Try This at Home is related to the five senses, because for the next five weeks, we’re going to do a countdown of the five senses, counting down to the publication of my book, Life in Five Senses.
Gretchen
Preorder early and often. Yes. Yes. So we’re going to do this series of try this at home to like, inspire us to go deeper into our senses. And so this week our try this at home is to find your own way to look around a museum or a gallery or show any place where you’re looking at things.
Elizabeth
Well, Gretch. I love this idea because I am one of those people who walks into an art gallery or a museum, and I don’t know how to look. I feel very self-conscious walking around. How long am I supposed to look at something? Where am I going first? How close do I stand? I mean, and just the idea when you brought this up that you could have your own way, that there really is no one way was like, revelatory.
Gretchen
Yeah, well, of course, as we say so often there is no one way. There is no right way or wrong way, but it is easy to feel intimidated. And so sometimes it’s nice to have your own kind of idea of how you’re going to approach it so you feel purposeful and like you have your plan. There’s a lot of really fun, interesting ways to engage your sense of sight when you’re looking around someplace like that.
Gretchen
I think that one way that’s really fun and I do this in the Met is to look for things that surprise you, because the only way you can be surprised is to notice what you’re expecting and how what you’re looking at confounds those expectations. And so it really forces you to look and process what you’re seeing. In the Met
Gretchen
One of the things that surprised me was how often the Buddha is depicted with a mustache.
Elizabeth
Hmm.
Gretchen
Why not? And yet I was like, yeah, I find that surprising. And then I had this whole way of looking around this whole section of the Met that was full of depictions of the Buddha being like, Oh, how about this one? What about this one? It just gave me a framework for looking that engaged me.
Elizabeth
I love that. And then another one is to look for a specific color. Yeah. And you had the idea, which is fun, that you could look for the Pantone Color of the Year. Yeah.
Gretchen
Now, so as somebody who’s like, the biggest color enthusiast, I love the Pantone Color of the Year. I’m always waiting to see what it’s going to be. So I did a super fun exercise where I pulled up on my phone like a swatch of it. So I had like a big chunk of the color. And so part of the fun was to see if I could predict where I might find it.
Gretchen
Like, was this a color that would be in impressionism? Is this a color that’s like a medieval color? So I looked around and then it really forced me to look at paintings in a different way because it was a very they called it magenta. I would not call it magenta myself. Color names are very tricky. And then when you find that exact match, it’s just like, so exciting.
Gretchen
Like I found it on a Chinese porcelain vase and I was just like, That’s it. Yeah. A quest is more fun than a jaunt. And it really got me to, like, really notice subtleties in color. Like, that one’s a little bit too blue or that one’s a little bit too orange. And it’s like, ooh, it’s close, but not quite.
Gretchen
Or like, maybe that would be a match. But in the context that it’s in, it’s hard to tell that it’s a match because every color affects every other color. So that was just really fun to see how many I could rack up in a visit. I really did enjoy that.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And then another idea is to search for a particular element throughout the collection.
Gretchen
Yeah. So when I go to the Met, I have a special collection in my mind of swans, skulls, classic, frogs. I have found only one representation of a frog in the Met. It’s a weight. It’s a carved object. That is a weight. It’s ancient. Very cute. I love things with supernatural powers. Many, many, many, many objects in the Met were endowed with supernatural powers.
Gretchen
Like there is something in the Egyptian wing that is literally labeled Magic Wand. I love that. I used it all the time, so that’s fun to look at. And, you know, look, is it as we’re describing these, I realized that a lot of these are particularly useful in a place like a museum, whereas like a gallery, if you were in a place that was full of abstract expressionism, you wouldn’t be able to look for swans or skulls because they’re not representing anything.
Gretchen
So you have to pick and choose.
Elizabeth
Yes. Although this next idea, Gretch, would work and the kind of gallery you’re talking about, which is considering the relationship of the title to the artwork.
Gretchen
This is something that fascinates me. I almost like the titles better than looking at the paintings. And I have artworks where that’s what I like the most, is the title. So my favorite, and this has been a work that I remember loving the idea of it from childhood, which is Charles Demuth’s I Saw the Figure 5 in Gold and it is like a figure five in gold.
Gretchen
It’s this beautiful painting. I think it’s a line from a poem. It’s beautiful. And then sometimes you see a painting and then you read the title and then you see the painting in a completely different way. There’s an amazing painting by Helen Frankenthaler called Stride. When you look at it, I always thought it looked kind of like a bird.
Gretchen
It’s enormous. It’s very abstract looking. But I thought, Well, this to me, suggests a bird. And then finally I looked at the title and I was like, Oh no, it’s a stride. And then you see that is a leg kicking out. And it completely like my eyes just went zip, zip, zip, zip and saw it in a completely different way.
Gretchen
So it’s really fun. So and I think with a lot of modern and contemporary art also, sometimes they’re untitled. I feel like, don’t don’t say untitled. Give it a title, man.
Elizabeth
Yes. Or don’t just say like blue number six. Yeah. A lot of times there’s just a series of numbers. Yeah, I love a title.
Gretchen
I love it.
Elizabeth
We love titles. We’re title people.
Gretchen
We’re word people. So we like the words.
Elizabeth
Yeah. And then Gretch, another idea and this will appeal to many of us find five pieces featured on items in the gift shop. Then go look at the actual pieces. So go to the gift shop first.
Gretchen
Love a gift shop. Some people are very sniffy about museum gift shops. I embrace the gift shop. I have a whole thing in Life in Five Senses. My defense of the If you’re defending the Real Housewives, Elizabeth, I am defending the museum gift shop. But I got this idea from a friend who said who travels a lot. And she’s one of these people that if she’s in town for business and she has a free afternoon, she’ll go to the local museum.
Gretchen
And she said that often she’ll go someplace and she doesn’t know what’s notable there and she doesn’t feel like doing a lot of online research. So she goes to the gift shop and she’s like, every museum will have a few things that appear on every tote bag, scarf, coaster, calendar. And she said, then you know, those are sort of the outstanding works.
Gretchen
And then it’s fun to go look at them. And then, you know, you’ve seen it’s kind of a more fun way to see the highlights of a collection. One of the things that puzzles me about the Met is one of the things that they show the most is my beloved, The Great Wave off Kanagawa, the Great Wave. They have it everywhere, which is great, but it’s not on display so you can’t go look at it.
Gretchen
They did a special exhibit for their anniversary last year and so I did get to see it in person. But generally it’s not on display. So. So sometimes those things aren’t on display, but usually they are.
Elizabeth
Interesting. Interesting. Well, Gretch, Adam’s family, you know, his sister, Michelle, is an artist and the whole family loves art. So we go to museums with them a lot and galleries. And I have to say, I’m going to use these things because I have, as I was saying, found it intimidating. So I’m glad to have these methods. Yeah.
Gretchen
Well, I wrote an article on my website about 35 Ways to Look at Art that just is full of lots of different ideas, some more elaborate, some less elaborate. So I’ll post a link to that if you’re interested in more ideas. Right. Elizabeth, have you picked up any ways of looking from Michelle? Because as an artist, she probably has a very specific way of looking around.
Elizabeth
No, she just I mean, she is so insatiable. I mean, she just would if she could, she would go to a gallery all day, every single day. That’s her thing. So I just think she knows so much that she just automatically picks up on a lot of stuff. But now that we’re having this conversation, I should ask her.
Elizabeth
Yeah, how do you look? Yeah, you know what I mean? And maybe it’ll give me some tips.
Gretchen
That would be fascinating.
Elizabeth
She loves to go by herself, too, so she just likes to, you know, it’s just when you have that kind of passion for something, Hey, I can watch The Real Housewives all day. Yeah.
Gretchen
Well, it’s definitely true. I mean, as you mentioned, the more we know, the more we notice and the more you bring to something, the more you get from it, typically. And so I do think that that helps you to see. But I do think, you know, there’s an atmosphere of growth here. Like if you feel like you’re engaging with your sense of sight in a new way, that’s exciting.
Gretchen
It’s an interesting thing. It’s fun to do by yourself or it’s fun to do with other people. And it just makes the world feel more rich and more memorable because you’re just really tuning in to it and appreciating it.
Elizabeth
Which goes, Gretchen to why you wrote your book Life in Five Senses, because you wanted to engage more with your five senses. Yes.
Gretchen
Yes, exactly. That’s that’s exactly right. So let us know if you do try this at home and how finding your own way to look around a museum or gallery works for you. And what is your way? What what ideas would you add? What did we overlook? Let us know on Instagram tik-tok, Twitter, Facebook. Drop us an email at podcast@Gretchenrubin.com.
Gretchen
Or as always, you can go to the show notes. This is happiecast.com/421 for everything related to this episode.
Elizabeth
Coming up we’ve got a very practical medical hack but first this break.
Gretchen
Okay Elizabeth this happiness hack, we heard from this listener. She suggested this idea. I immediately implemented it. I was like, not even one minute went by. I like copy pasted, opened up a document and started my own because I just think this is such it’s such an obvious idea, but I hadn’t done it. Yeah.
Elizabeth
Okay, and this comes from Ashley. She says I wanted to share a happiness hack that I recently completed it, I added, creating a medical history document to my 23 and 23 list. I created a document that lists each of my doctors, including contact info and dates of last visits, prescription information, vaccines and medical procedures. Each time I go to the doctor or fill out medical forms, I have to look for this information in my contacts list, calendar, various apps and internet searches.
Elizabeth
Putting all the information in one place makes me feel more in control of my health and will save me so much time in the future. Such a good idea. So Elizabeth,
Gretchen
If you’re creating a Facts of Life collection, which is highly recommended. This is great. This is something that would feed right into your facts of life. It’s great to have all this stuff constantly updated. I know you’re always being asked for all this information. Some people seem to remember it. I have no idea. I can’t remember anything.
Gretchen
But here’s my question for you, Elizabeth. Would you do this handwritten or type it on the computer? What do you think?
Elizabeth
Well, I was thinking I would just do it handwritten because I just feels like easier to me. But now I’m realizing if I had it typed and I emailed it to myself or something, then should I end up in the emergency room or something like that, it could be very nice to be able to access it. Yeah. On my phone.
Elizabeth
Yeah. So I guess I could handwrite it and then take a photo. That’s another option. But now I’m thinking I would type it.
Gretchen
Because you and I also have such bad handwriting that if the part of this document is that it might be useful to somebody else, yeah, it would also be searchable. I had exactly the same thought process. I was going to pull out a notebook, but then I thought, You know what? Actually, it feels more cumbersome to type it out, but I think it will be much more useful and much more accessible if I type it.
Gretchen
But I also decided I was going to keep a handwritten one, too. I don’t know that I can keep both going, but I do feel like there’s something valuable about each of them that I think it’s a great idea because it’s just when you need it, you need it.
Elizabeth
You know what we should do? Here’s what Adam and I should do and do it in Google Docs for both of us. Yeah. And then you. Yeah. It’s easy to access the other person’s, which might also come in handy.
Gretchen
Well, absolutely. And listen to you Google docing it up. I remember listening to all the episodes of Happier in Hollywood when one of yours I know was trying to badger you guys into learning to use Google Docs.
Elizabeth
I know, and for some reason, I was so resistant. Now we’re Google Doc devotees. Absolutely.
Gretchen
Excellent. Well, anyway, it’s a great idea. I’m absolutely inspired. I started my I started my my doc. And maybe I will do it with Jamie, too. I think that’s a great idea. And now let’s do a deep dive into listener answers. So in episode 414, we heard from a listener who’s an Obliger who tipped to Rebel and she experienced a challenge which was very common among that particular type of Obliger an Obliger you who tips to Rebel instead of tipping to Upholder.
Gretchen
They often have an issue with accountability because the Obliger or part of their nature needs that accountability to meet inner and outer expectations. But the Rebel flavoring of their tendency can sometimes make them also resist that accountability. And of course, this is frustrating because on the one hand you need it, but on the other hand, the minute you create it, you sort of resist it.
Gretchen
So we heard a lot of interesting answers from other Obligers and also Rebels who have come up with their own very creative solutions for this very common challenge.
Elizabeth
Yes, Kimberly says Michelle’s struggle really resonated with me. I’m an Obliger currently striving to work through Obliger rebellion as a nurse who works through COVID in New York City while experiencing infertility and going through multiple rounds of IVF when the opportunity to become a stay at home mom presented itself, I leapt at the chance. But now I find myself struggling with Michelle’s exact problem.
Elizabeth
I feel like if I seek out outer accountability, then I will just end up feeling beholden to whatever that is and will turn into something I resent. Even if it’s something I want to do. I have had the most success by starting small and focusing on things that I objectively find fun. I also find I have much more success when it’s something very easy to do.
Elizabeth
So it’s not a huge change. One example of this is how I approached exercise. I wanted to exercise more, but signing up for classes wasn’t working. I just missed them and just stopped even trying. Because of the lost money, I decided to shift my definition of exercise, to move my body and got on the outside 23 in 23 bandwagon.
Elizabeth
The best part about it is that even if I’m just walking a block to do errands, I get to count it as a success, which helps me feel like I’m accomplishing my goal. I find on many days I’ll take another lap around the park or do one extra errand just because I’m enjoying being outside the amorphous accountability of outside 23 in 23.
Elizabeth
I’m part of something larger, but no one calls me out If I miss a day is also super helpful for where I’m at right now. I think at another time I’d benefit from doing this with another person. But for right now it’s a good level of accountability without tipping me to resentment.
Gretchen
I mean, this shows such a level of self-knowledge and working with your nature and finding the way that works for you. I think it’s just, you know, lots of great ideas there. Yes. Allison wrote, I am an Obliger who tips toward Rebel and deeply understood the question of how to accept and appreciate outer accountability. I often use tips suggested on the show to consider it as part of your identity.
Gretchen
Think of my future self, etc. A few other things I consider my current mantra “anything worth doing is worth doing poorly”. This is great for routine stuff I have to do regularly, like vacuuming. When I want to do something and someone else mentions it, I immediately don’t want to do it anymore. When that happens, I say to myself, Who asked them?
Gretchen
I’m doing it for me. I’m overly polite and a real people pleaser, so it’s fun to have a bit of a “I do what I want to do” attitude, even if it’s what they want to.
Elizabeth
Well, I love anything worth doing is worth doing.
Gretchen
Yes, absolutely.
Elizabeth
That’s a good one. Yes. Katherine says, I have found that thinking about my identity, my future self and how I want other people to see me in general are most helpful. For instance, I would like to be seen as a strong, independent woman that is really fit. So I must work hard, stay organized and exercise to meet those goals.
Elizabeth
When I took the test, it told me I was an Obliger and I was furious because I know that it is so true. I made goals for myself that I often don’t meet because it is a personal goal and not for the sake of someone else. I am a physical therapist, so a lot of my energy is focused on helping other people, which is perfect for me and my tendency.
Elizabeth
My husband says that my middle name should have been do it myself. I wonder if other Obligers was the tip toward Rebel have a similar rebellion toward accepting help from others?
Gretchen
That is such a fascinating question. I have never heard that or considered that. So if you have thoughts, Obligers send in my way. I found that a very thought-provoking observation. Sarah wrote, I too am an Obliger with a heavy lean to Rebel. I know I need and want external accountability, but automatically resent it when I set it up.
Gretchen
Firm expectations trigger anxiety, especially as a due date is approaching. My spirit of resistance shows up frequently, especially when the request comes from my husband. Work on a budget, for example. You know, I’ll just say as a side note, romantic partners and sweethearts often are tricky when it comes to accountability. The only strategy I’ve come up with that gets me getting things done is to brain-dump a list of things I’d like to accomplish, drop things off in goodwill, do the laundry, get a birthday gift, etc. Nobody has ever asked me What did you do today?
Gretchen
But I like the low-pressure accountability of the list. It’s not a to do or a ta da list. It just gives me ideas for things I could do if I feel like it. There you go.
Elizabeth
Smart! Faith says I identified with the listener who knows she needs accountability but dislikes the feeling it creates for her to have to answer to someone. I feel the same way, and I realized I have a more enjoyable accountability technique I use whenever I can. Surprise. I love surprise of all kinds, so I encourage myself to get things done just so I can show someone or tell someone I accomplished such and such.
Elizabeth
Sometimes the surprise is for the other person’s benefit, like making a gift or dealing with something broken that bothered them. But quite often they don’t really care except to join me in my obvious joy over doing the thing. It still feels like I’m preparing a great surprise while I’m slogging away. It brings out the energy of doing it for someone else or exceeding someone’s expectations rather than trying to meet them.
Elizabeth
Basically, I’m acting as if the person is an accountability partner, but they don’t know it, so there’s no chance of disappointing them. But there is a possibility of that momentary charge. I get from any kind of surprise.
Gretchen
So I’m constantly astonished by how imaginative and creative Obligers are in creating forms of accountability that I never would dream of. And using surprise in this way. I have to say this is I’ve been thinking about this for years.
Elizabeth
We have never, ever, never that. Brilliant.
Gretchen
And I also think it could work for rebels because rebels tend to love to surprise and to confound expectations and to like, surprise people with a challenge. Such a good idea.
Elizabeth
Yeah, that’s going in as a staple, Gretch.
Gretchen
Yes. Yeah.
Elizabeth
Yes.
Gretchen
Absolutely. And we also heard from rebels because, you know, rebels get this. They understand this tension that comes where you want to do something, but you also resist anything that is pushing you to do that. So Rachel wrote, I’ve been using many of your tricks over the years and have found ways to be a very productive rebel. One of the things that this obliger can do is to lean into her identity as somebody who wants to or does read.
Gretchen
Attaching identity to a goal is really helpful for me. As an example, I consider myself an active and fit person, but struggle sometimes with motivation. So I have a calendar in my bathroom that only purpose is for tracking the days I work out. I literally give myself a gold star. There we go. Gold stars. Every day that I exercise for at least 20 minutes.
Gretchen
It allows me freedom to choose what type of exercise and when. But at the end of the month, I love seeing how many days have stars. I’ve been doing it for six years now, and it’s a game-changer for this listener. Maybe she needs to get some sort of system for reading, starting with the Gold Star calendar for every day that she reads while a book club is ideal.
Gretchen
I have never liked to join because as a rebel I don’t like the idea that I have to do anything. But finding books and series I’m interested in has allowed me to get through more books this year than I have in the past three years combined. So this is great. And I have to mention, if you like this, don’t break the chain.
Gretchen
If you do it in the Happier app, you can set up a name and track it in the Happier app and then it will always be with you. So that’s just that’s one of the reasons that it’s in the app, is that so many tendencies find this kind of giving yourself credit every time you do something as a very, very powerful way to keep going.
Elizabeth
Absolutely. Tara said, I thought I was just like the listener who believes she is an Obliger who tips to rebel but then resents accountability. But I realize I’m actually a rebel who likes having the identity of someone who other people can count on. I can do something when someone expects me to because I want to be the kind of person they can depend on.
Elizabeth
Once I realized the issue was not accountability but identity, I was able to make that shift in my mindset. I joined a book club where we are expected to read the book because I want to be the kind of person who reads the book for the book club, not because they are expecting me to. I make my bed every day because I want to be the kind of person who makes the bed, not because anyone expects me to.
Elizabeth
Understanding this difference really made a big difference for me. Perhaps the listener might use more rebel techniques for herself rather than trying to cater to the Obliger side of her personality. Well, that’s insightful.
Gretchen
That’s a good idea to look at the rebel strategies and see if the rebel strategies you could adapt. That’s a really, really good idea. And then finally, Corey said, I’m definitely in Obliger, but I have always struggled with the accountability portion. I don’t want to do something with an accountability partner because what if I change my mind or something pressing for work or my family comes up that I have to do?
Gretchen
I don’t want to do a Don’t Break the Chain, because that task haunts me. If I can’t follow through, I’ll feel disappointed and disheartened. I’ve seen that thinking of things for me from a rebel point of view has been helpful. So same thing. Think about your rebel side. You talk about rebels needing to make their aims, about their identity, and this has helped me the most.
Gretchen
I am a person who is calm and organized, has helped me to stick to my aim of using my planner each day to create time blocks for the many important things in all facets of my day. I have started don’t break the chain type challenges like making my bed every day with the thought of Let’s just see what happens.
Gretchen
This is just for fun anyway. If I miss a day, it’s okay because I’m the kind of person who could just start again. And lastly, it’s more helpful for me to use my future self or my past self as an accountability partner rather than a friend or family member. It makes me feel like I’m caring for myself when I’m sticking to an aim.
Gretchen
So that’s another good. So this is reinforcing some of the ideas and also this new idea of why the future and past self is a different kind of accountability.
Elizabeth
Yes, I love all these.
Gretchen
Fresh, brilliant, brilliant.
Elizabeth
All right. Coming up, Gretchen gives herself a tote bag demerit. But first, this break. Okay, Gretchen, we are back with demerits and gold stars. And you have, I believe, what is a repeat demerit about tote bags.
Gretchen
What is my problem with tote bags? What is this thing I have with tote bags? It’s like they just multiply, and I swear I have been much better. I will be at a conference, I will be someplace. I will be at a bookstore, and they will be like, Hey, would you like a tote bag? And now I’m getting so much better about saying, No, thank you.
Gretchen
I already have as many tote bags as one family can use. And yet I was looking in the closet and there was just this explosion of tote bags. And I went through it and I gave to donate two giant tote bags full of tote bags. And now the closet I’m so happy. It looks so much more organized. I mean, to be clear, we probably still have 30 or 40 tote bags.
Gretchen
And like, I want a light one. I want a heavy one. I want one was a zipper. This one has long handles. This has all these outside pockets, this one’s super big. This one says Yale Law School. So it has like a happy memory. And Elizabeth may maybe my tote bag things is like your mug things. I should just embrace this as something.
Gretchen
But I’m like, why do I let them accumulate? Because then it is just so unsightly. Now, I did get a huge buzz, of course, when I cleaned it out. That’s like the fun part. But then it’s just so cumbersome to deal with it and everything. Like just don’t take the tote bag. Nobody’s mailing these things to me. I mean.
Elizabeth
Maybe people bring them to your house and leave them there. No
Gretchen
Maybe now. I wish that is a good dodge. I wish I could claim that. No, no. Well, I will say this one source of them is there are certain stores now that clearly this is part of a branding effort. Well, they will give you not just like a really light tote bag, but like a nice tote bag. And it’s too nice.
Gretchen
I’m like, it’s not nice enough to keep it, but it’s too nice to just toss it. I don’t like those medium things that are like in this this land between kind of the Altoid tin where you’re like, This Altoid tin is so cunning I can’t possibly get rid of it, but what the heck do I do with it?
Gretchen
One of the great mysteries of my life. So a lot of them were those kinds of things that I think I need to just be better and say to Eliza and Eleanor, too, when you go to those stores, just say like, I’ll just walk out with this stuff in tissue paper. It’s like one shirt. I don’t need a tote bag for it.
Gretchen
Yeah.
Elizabeth
Yeah. Well, I’m glad that you cleared those out and you have your clutter clatter cleared.
Gretchen
Yes, I have. I can see the floor of my closet now, which is that. Which is a good feeling. But, Elizabeth, take us up. What’s your gold star?
Elizabeth
My gold star is to Adam because he was surprisingly prepared for our power outage the other day. So, you know, there have been these heavy rains in California, and we, like many people, lost power. It was out for 24 hours. I can’t remember the last time I lost power for 24 hours, but it went off at night. And so, of course, we were plunged into darkness.
Elizabeth
And then a minute later, Adam turns on these two enormous flashlights that lit up the entire room. I mean, I couldn’t believe how much light we had. So between that and one other thing, I was able to read, no problem.
Gretchen
Oh, my gosh. Are you kidding?
Elizabeth
Yeah.
Gretchen
It was like you could find your way to the bathroom. No, this was.
Elizabeth
Like, Oh, I mean, it was really a lot of light. It’s just one of those things where you appreciate someone because I have done absolutely nothing to prepare for something like a power outage. Yeah, but Adam clearly had thought about it, gotten these big flashlights.
Gretchen
Knew where they were. That’s the other thing is you’re like, do where?
Elizabeth
I know, I know.
Gretchen
I got these in Costco two years ago, but where did I put them? And it’s now it’s dark. I can’t look around.
Elizabeth
Yes. And that was me because I was saying, well, I know, like a few years ago, I got a solar-powered cell phone charger for the next day. And of course, I had no idea where it was. But anyway, I was just very happy that he was prepared and it made our time much more easy to deal with.
Elizabeth
Oh.
Gretchen
No, it’s so nice when you’re like something got done completely outside of my purview. I had. I knew nothing about it. And here it is. Somebody is racing to the rescue. Oh, that’s wonderful. Okay, Gold Star for Adam. The resource for this week. Okay, we’re heading into spring. And for some people, that gives them the desire to do spring cleaning.
Gretchen
I know that. I certainly have that feeling. There is going to be a jumpstart in the Happier app. Seven days of prompts about curating your keepsakes. This is a very common clutter-clearing challenge. You love the keepsakes, but you’re kind of overwhelmed by your keepsakes. You can’t manage those mementos. So the first day of spring is March 20th, and it will be in the app starting on the 19th.
Gretchen
So if you are wanting to tackle that as part of your spring cleaning, it’ll give you a lot of fun ideas that you can track in the app. Elizabeth, what are we reading? What are you reading?
Elizabeth
I am listening to The It Girl by Ruth Wear.
Gretchen
And I am reading The Last Samurai by Helen DeWitt. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember, try this at home. Find your own way to look around the museum. Let us know if you tried it and if it worked for you. And what did you try? We would like to know more strategies.
[Music]
Elizabeth
Thanks to our executive producer, Chuck Reed and everyone at Cadence 13. Get in touch. Gretchen’s on Instagram and Tik Tok @gretchenrubin and I’m on Instagram @lizcraft. Our email address is podcast@gretchenrubin.com.
Gretchen
And if you like the show, you know what to do. Rate us, review us, recommend us to a friend. That is how most people discover the show.
Elizabeth
Until next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.
Gretchen
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us.
[Music]
Onward and upward.
[Music]
Elizabeth
Gretch, I have been watching your Tik Toks and loving it.
Gretchen
Oh, well, thank you. It’s so fun.
Elizabeth
You’re inspiring me now. I want to do Tik Tok.
Gretchen
Ooh, let’s talk about it. I think that’s an excellent idea.
[Music]
From the onward project.