Update

Keep sending gift ideas! Bring them on!

Might want to read The Happiness Project. Many people like to start it in January.

If you want a personalized, signed bookplate – U.S. and Canada, ask now!

Bookplates

If you want to personalize your copy of The Four Tendencies book or want to give a copy as a gift, you can request a personalized, signed bookplate. U. S. and Canada only, alas. Feel free to request as many as you like (within reason). (And the bookplates work for any book, not just The Four Tendencies.)

Laura, from U.K.: The only bit about the cracker segment that was a liiiittle sad, was hearing that crackers are also now becoming a year-round thing in the US. That to me is almost sacrilegious – like hearing somewhere sells carving pumpkins in April, or Easter Eggs for Thanksgiving. They’re a very particular part of a British Christmas (hokey as they definitely can be), and I think when something can be had at any time it loses its special charm for that particular season. 

            –I realized that the cracker is a very 5-senses item! Even smell and sound.

Try this at home

GRETCHEN: So, Elizabeth, our Try This at Home tip is…Save someone’s life.

Birthday party, three people who had all saved someone’s life.

“Have you ever saved someone’s life? Or has someone saved yours? I’d always assumed that it was very rare, but maybe it’s more common than I thought.”

Haunted by it! Too close to that possible disaster.

Wondering how to save someone’s life? Here are some examples:

• Sarah

My uncle saved my life at least twice by taking the car keys from an intoxicated person who was hell-bent on driving me and driving me himself instead. (The intoxicated person refused to let me drive but agreed to let my uncle drive.) My orthopedic surgeon saved my ability to walk when a tumor on my spine almost paralyzed me.

• Ann

My husband saved mine by helping me through cancer treatment. He never missed a beat and I will be eternally grateful.

• Susan

I have. I saved a little boy (about 3 or 4 years old) who was choking on a piece of candy. His mother was hysterical (of course). He was in the back seat of her car in his car seat. She stopped in the middle of the driveway of a shopping center. She got him out of his car seat. I stopped my car in the middle of the driveway too. Got out of my car and performed the Heimlich maneuver. As soon as I saw he was okay and breathing, I got back in my car and drove away!

• Jill

I believe so, yes. I yelled “freeze” at a stranger’s toddler running into the road (I was too far away to grab him, and his parent was distracted). He froze, and a car whizzed right by that I’m almost certain would have killed him if he would have kept going. I’d just learned the technique of substituting ‘freeze’ for ‘stop’ or ‘no’ in a dangerous situation as young kids can often filter out and ignore the more common words if they’re told them too often. It worked thank goodness. I was traumatized though.

• Amy

This is a stretch but a couple that seemed like they were on a first date were at the next table at a restaurant. She clearly couldn’t breathe. The guy started hitting her on the back. I got up and encouraged him to get behind her and do the Heimlich maneuver. It worked! I heard her say it was lettuce. It was awkward and we all sat down like nothing happened.

• Jennie

Yes, I have. Haunted is a good word to describe the feeling. I still think about it 15 years later. I was an undergrad, waiting to cross the street and some guy was talking on his phone, standing in the street, not on the sidewalk. I saw a bus coming up the road and pulled him by his backpack onto the sidewalk. At first, he was confused as to why I touched him, but then saw the bus and said to the phone “dude! Some girl just saved my life.”

• Patti

My life was saved 21 years ago by a living kidney donor. I have found living kidney donors to be very humble about their amazing & generous act!

• Dave

I’ve donated a lot of blood, I’m sure that blood has helped save a life

• Brian A Egge

You don’t have to rescue someone from drowning. You can donate a pint of blood, check off being an organ donor on your drivers license. Or. signup to donate a kidney or bone marrow.

So how might we save a life?

Sign up to be an organ donor. It demands nothing of you. we’ll post a link.  https://www.organdonor.gov/

GRETCHEN: Let us know if you do try this at home, and whether you’ve ever saved someone’s life, and how you might save someone’s life in the future. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, drop us an email at podcast@gretchenrubin.com, or go to happiercast.com/403 for contact info, images, links, related to this episode, or look up any other episode.

Happiness Hack

So many packing cube hacks! In an episode of More Happier, we talked about how Elizabeth’s writing partner Sarah Fain is such a fan of packing cubes, but we’d never used them.

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Kara:

My best friend and I are both single with no kids, we often travel together. We started using packing cubes a long time ago. We swear by ones like these from Travelwise (https://www.amazon.com/TravelWise-Luggage-Packing-Organization-Medium/dp/B08XDLRX2R/ref=sr_1_14?crid=2T7ZQQ9KD486W&keywords=Packing+Cubes&qid=1665877434&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI2LjU0IiwicXNhIjoiNi40MSIsInFzcCI6IjYuMDQifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=packing+cubes%2Caps%2C845&sr=8-14) for one very specific reason – they come in multiple bright colors!

This is important for two reasons: a) black packing cubes in a black bag are hard to see and find and MORE IMPORTANTLY b) having multiple colors – one for each member of your traveling party – means that no matter where you are in your suitcase or accommodations you can see whose stuff is where. 

Also, I wanted to add something that my best friend started doing that I think is genius and have now started doing.

She started doing this with post-it notes and then I made her (as the crafty one between us) a set of cards made out of cardstock and laminated with the days of the week on one side and day numbers (one – ten) on the other side as most trips for us are no more than 10 days. On the three extra cards, I just wrote “Extra Day 1”, “Extra Day 2”, etc.

She then lays these out and picks out outfits for each day.

She does have a couple of extra items for herself but having been a perpetual overpacker for years who then took home a bunch of unworn stuff. I have watched this transform the way she travels. 

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Susan: We have two colors. Our clean clothes go in one and the dirty go in the other. It makes coming home and unpacking easier.

=

Another suggestion from a few people is to they pack each family member’s clothes in a different color cube.

Bridget: I wanted to share with you and the listeners a way to get free travel cubes with something that you might have already in your home! You know that packaging that pillowcases, bedsheets, even small comforters come in? They are very similar in size to the travel cubes that are sold in the stores and as a bonus most of the time they are completely clear, allowing you to see all of the contents easily. I discovered this a few months ago when I was looking for a way to organize my childrens’ clothing for traveling this past summer. They are very young still and so lots of tiny clothing can easily get mixed up or misplaced. I was able to find two sheet set bags that fit all of their clothing easily. Each has their own bag and it made the trip so much nicer.

–what about shoe bags?

Deep Dive into Responses

Lizzie: I’ve just been listening to your 400th episode. I was very struck by your thoughts on what you enjoyed doing as a 10 year old should influence your adult work and hobbies. 

I have always been an animal lover, and since childhood strived towards being a veterinarian. I worked hard, achieved my dream, but the reality didn’t quite match the expectation. Working as a vet in clinical practice was okay, but not the vocation I’d dreamed of. The trouble was, I didn’t know what else to do and I didn’t hate the job enough to do anything about it… I was drifting.

Fast forward to covid, and a very quiet locked down pregnancy and maternity leave. I discovered the Happier podcast and listened to multiple episodes daily. I began idly thinking – what did I enjoy as a 10yo? Well, animals, but I remembered that I also loved to write. I used to write out care guides for my multiple pets, and long diary entries about my imagined veterinary adventures. 

Writing…? Could it be a possibility?

Well, two years on and I’m no longer a vet working in practice. I’m now a veterinary copywriter, writing articles for both pet owners and fellow veterinarians about all aspects of pet care, veterinary medicine and more. And I absolutely LOVE IT! 

I’m still getting round to starting a happiness project (the third best time is tomorrow, right?), but I don’t think I’ll need a ‘work’ section. You’ve already sorted that one for me! 

Stacy: I just listened to your episode 401 on time capsules and had to weigh in. I went to a small all-girls high school that had a ton of really fun traditions. One of my favorites: during our senior year we all wrote letters to ourselves and they were buried under our class rock in the Senior Garden. At our ten-year reunion we all got our letters back. On the heels of that fun experience, receiving my senior letter, I decided to host a “time capsule dinner” for about 15 girl friends. It was the year we were all turning 30. I hosted a dinner and instructed everyone to write a letter to themselves, and I paired everyone with one other person to write a letter to. We also brought magazine clippings, photos, etc. Ten years later, the year we all turned 40, we rented a house in San Francisco and had a time capsule weekend, where we had a ton of fun and of course opened our time capsules! Last year, we did our 50th in Aspen, opening yet another time capsule.

I also created time capsules for all three of my children. I collected letters, photos, first outfits, baby shoes etc from the first year of life and then sealed it up. The night before my son left for college last year, we had a small family dinner with the grandparents etc and he opened his time capsule. It was super fun for him to read all the letters he received when he was born and a meaningful tradition for our family on the eve of college send off!

Anyway, thought I would share as time capsules have been an easy and fun way to create tradition and preserve memories in different areas of my life!

Another listener had a different perspective on time capsules:

Rebecca: In the spirit of “the opposite of a profound truth is also true”, I feel like the opposite of keeping a time capsule can also be true.  As a mom of 4, I am overwhelmed by toys and knick-knacks. I prefer to use thinks like Christmas cards as the decoration banner for the current year, but then say goodbye. 

An alternative to the box capsule is a digital picture album, I even have pictures of the scene or awards, etc. then I set my google portal to display pictures from “on this day”

Responses to the question from a listener about a Rebel child who was late for school:

Annette: When the comment was made of what does it matter if the student is a couple minutes late, as a middle school teacher I will say it DOES matter.

Most classes start with “bell-ringers”, starters, agendas, passing/collecting papers etc., setting the tone for the period and other important instructions. Not to mention 1-2 minutes leads to 5, to 10 etc.  Nothing is more annoying for us as teachers to have to repeat directions and so forth for latecomers, and some student’s “entrance” is disruptive to the rest of the class-especially if it’s a “challenging” student.  Lastly, reward the kids who were there on time, preferably with a high priority reward for the late student-something he wouldn’t want to miss.  Just my 2-cents after 34 yrs in middle school.

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Clare: I wanted to respond to the listener dilemma in episode 401: the Rebel who “couldn’t” get to class on time. I’m a Rebel, too, and have done some teaching in my time. My first reaction was like yours; if the student is 1 or 2 minutes late, then I’d let it slide. It seems a little needlessly strict to chastise them for that. I can also see, though, how the the student may get some kind of mischievous glee in consistently being just a tiny bit late, haha. 

Having said that, if the teacher really wants to crack down, especially if we’re talking more than 10 minutes late, here’s an idea:

The teachers could put all the class students’ names in a hat (or digital randomiser) and hold a student prize draw at precisely the minute the class starts. The catch is, if your name is drawn, you need to be present to claim your “prize”. I don’t mean tangible prizes or–God forbid–cash, but a privilege/benefit/first choice of some sort. Something they can use for that class on that day only. The privilege could stay the same or change; be announced the day before; or even be announced at the same time the winner is drawn.

This appeals to my Rebel tendency as I could still choose to show up late and take the risk of missing a win, but how annoying would it be to win it and not be present to claim it! Rebels love choice and risk, and this combines both nicely.

— This is a form of information-consequences-choice, in a very imaginative way.

Lana: in your last episode you talked about a question a listener asked about one of the seniors in their high school being constantly late and how they might help it. i felt it might share this because i too was always intentionally a little late to all my classes – and it was, unexpectedly, because of social anxiety. while being late also always made me nervous, it was easier to deal with than having to chat with so many people the hallways while waiting for the class to start. high school relationships can be turbulent and hard to navigate for teenagers. could it be that thats what making him late? in any case, for me, it stopped on its own in a few years!

Related point comes from Jennifer:

Jennifer: This might be a long shot because this school administration sounds like they’re really on top of things, but could it be possible that he has a bully? He might be getting there a few minutes late in order to avoid interactions with someone. Might be worth looking into with the school counselor.

Becky:  Maybe you’ve addressed something like this before but I have found some people have a bit of time blindness (for lack of a better phrase). They think they can fit in more in a given amount of time than is actually possible or they’re easily distracted by “just one more thing before I leave” or they just don’t seem to feel or respond to time constraints with any sort of urgency, as many of the rest of us have been conditioned to do. I think some people also experience the passing of time differently, making it more difficult to realize how much time is passing. So, to me, it would be similar to clutter blindness in that it has nothing to do with tendency and more to do with the spectrum of ways humans experience life, a kind of a know yourself better topic. 

There’s also the age-old fact that our society is built to suit larks and not night owls. Further, studies have shown that the natural rhythm for teens trends toward being a night owl.  

Ultimately I agree with Elizabeth-does it really matter? He’s late. He serves his detentions or other consequences. And that’s that. In my opinion, the school employee should move on to bigger problems. 

Demerits and Gold Stars

Time for demerits and gold stars!

Gretchen Demerit: Keep losing things! What’s going on?? Forgot holiday breakfast for Halloween!!

Elizabeth Gold Star:  Corgi meet-up – corgi nation! Got a flag and a t-shirt.

Resources

Transcripts are now available!

• Full transcripts will now be published the week following each episode of Happier. Head to gretchenrubin.com/podcast to see the transcript for episode 401. 

November holiday promo:

• Get your holiday shopping done early with up to 20% off your order from The Happiness Project, through November 30th:
  • 20% off orders $100+ with code HAPPIERNOVEMBER20
  • Returning customers get 15% off all orders with code HOLIDAYVIP15
  • Excludes Books and Gift Cards

What we’re reading

• Elizabeth: going to listen to Matthew Perry’s Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing (Amazon, Bookshop)
• Gretchen: The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler (Amazon, Bookshop)

Gretchen:
Hello and welcome to Happier, a podcast about the science and art of becoming happier. This week, we’ll talk about how you might save someone’s life and hear from listeners about a range of subjects ranging from a student’s persistent tardiness, to packing cubes, to traditions to celebrate friendship.

[Music]

Gretchen:
I’m Gretchen Rubin, a writer who studies happiness, good habits, human nature, and the five senses. I’m in New York City, and joining me today from Los Angeles is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. And Elizabeth, you’re headed back to K.C. soon. I am so envious.

Elizabeth
That’s me. Elizabeth Craft, a T.V. writer and producer living in L.A. and, yes, Gretch. I’ll be home for Thanksgiving. I can’t wait.

Gretchen:
But before we jump in, a few updates.

Elizabeth
Yes. Okay. Please keep sending your gift ideas as we’re doing our holiday gift guide soon. And we want your ideas.

Gretchen:
Yes. Also, we’re starting to come toward the end of the year. And if you’re thinking about “New Year, New You” and starting the New Year. One thing I’ve noticed over the last decade is that a lot of people like to read my book, The Happiness Project, in January. It starts in January. It never occurred to me that people would actually want to read it starting in January, but one of the things you learn as an author is how people read your book, so you might be interested in that. And if you would like to get a personalized sign bookplate for your book, or if you want to give it as a gift to someone and you are in the United States or Canada, I will send you bookplates, as many as you want within reason. I will put a link to that in the show notes, or you can get it on my site, gretchenrubin.com, under resources. And I love to do that, so feel free to ask away. And it could be for any book; it’s not just for The Happiness Project, it’s just that a lot of people seem to read The Happiness Project in January.

Elizabeth
And then Gretchen, we talked about crackers the other day, about the tradition of pulling apart these little packages that make them pop and have gifts inside called “crackers.” Yeah. And we heard from so many people about crackers. And this was interesting; Laura from the U.K. said, “The only bit about the crackers segment that was a little sad was hearing that crackers are also now becoming a year-round thing in the U.S. That, to me, is almost sacrilegious, like hearing somewhere sells carving pumpkins in April or Easter eggs for Thanksgiving. They’re a very particular part of a British Christmas—hokey as they definitely can be—and I think when something can be had at any time, it loses its special charm for that particular season.” Well, that’s interesting, Gretch. Since they’re not as meaningful to us, we don’t feel that way.

Gretchen:
Yes. We don’t have them strongly associated with Christmas the way they clearly do in their origin. So I thought that was really interesting, and I and I really take her point that sometimes we enjoy things more when we enjoy them less. It’s one of the paradoxes of the five senses. And I realized that part of the reasons that crackers are so fun is they are such a five-senses gift because you can smell there’s a little bit of that gunpowder-y smell, or I don’t know what that is when they pop and they make the pop, and there’s the crinkle of the paper crowns, and there’s just the fun of the way they look. There is often that candy in them, which you would think… these things like… that they would so often have candy. So there’s no taste, but that bet you can buy crackers that have all five senses. So I was like, “Oh, that’s why these are so fun. They’re a five senses—or four senses, at least—treat.”

Elizabeth
Yeah, right. This would be a great item for your shop.

Gretchen:
Yes, I really was thinking about that. Yes. My Sensorium Emporium. Yes.

Elizabeth
Yes.

Gretchen:
So the Try This at Home suggestion this week is to save someone’s life.

Elizabeth
Okay, Gretch, this is interesting. How did you come to this? Because it’s a big topic.

Gretchen:
It’s a big topic, and this is how I started to think about it. So I was at a birthday party for a friend, and we were all sort of buffet style. We were all sitting in little clusters, and I was talking to three other people, and somehow we started talking about the question of whether anybody ever saved anyone’s life. Now, in my mind, saving someone’s life was an extraordinarily rare, dramatic thing that, like, did I know anybody in my whole circle of acquaintances—other than a doctor—who had saved someone’s life? I would have thought no. It turned out that all three of these people had saved someone’s life.

One person had saved her son from choking in a restaurant, one had saved a child from drowning in a pool, and one guy had done both. He had saved a stranger in like a company cafeteria from choking, and he had saved a man from being swept out to sea. So this got me thinking, well, maybe this is much more common. But here’s the other thing that was really surprising, before we share our responses from listeners, is that I would have thought that this would have been like an exciting, ecstatic memory, and they would have been really thrilled to talk about it, and it would have been really joyful. And in fact, it was not that way at all. They were all three of them kind of haunted. It was very serious, very grave. The memories were very full of emotion. And I thought, “Well, this is strange. This is surprising to me because I would think this would be so happy.”

And what I think it is, is that there’s like this sliding doors quality where you’re at a moment where you see so clearly, like in a moment, things could have gone completely differently. And you also realize, “I managed to step up,” but you know yourself, and you’re like, “Well, maybe I wouldn’t have stepped up. Maybe I couldn’t have stepped up. Maybe it wouldn’t have worked.” Like, I’ve never done the Heimlich maneuver. Maybe I wouldn’t have been able to do it properly. And so instead of having it be like a really joyful memory, it’s a memory that is full of this fear of what almost happened.

So I thought this was fascinating, so I started asking around, like on social media, “Have you ever saved someone’s life?” It turns out this is far more common, and people answered it in far more wide-ranging ways than I had expected. It’s fascinating.

Elizabeth
Well, let’s listen to some examples. Sarah said, “My uncle saved my life at least twice by taking the car keys from an intoxicated person who was hell-bent on driving me, and driving me himself instead. The intoxicated person refused to let me drive but agreed to let my uncle drive. My orthopedic surgeon saved my ability to walk when a tumor on my spine almost paralyzed me.”

Gretchen:
Wow, that’s a lot. Anne said, “My husband saved mine by helping me through cancer treatment. He never missed a beat, and I will be eternally grateful.”

Elizabeth
Probably a lot of people have stories like that. Susan said. “I have. I saved a little boy, about three or four years old, who was choking on a piece of candy. His mother was hysterical, of course. He was in the backseat of her car in his car seat. She stopped in the middle of the driveway of a shopping center. She got him out of his car seat. I sat my car in the middle of the driveway, too, got out of my car, and performed the Heimlich maneuver. As soon as I saw he was okay and breathing, I got back in my car and drove away.”

Gretchen:
Amazing.

Elizabeth
Yeah.

Gretchen:
Jill said, “I yelled ‘Freeze!’ at a stranger’s toddler running into the road. I was too far away to grab him, and his parent was distracted. He froze, and a car was right by that I’m almost certain would have killed him if he had kept going. I just learned the technique of substituting “freeze” for “stop” or “no” in a dangerous situation, as young kids often filter that out and ignore the more common words if they’re told them too often. It worked, thank goodness. I was traumatized, though.” So this is interesting, like this is sort of a drive-by hack, which is, “Say Freeze.” I had not heard that. And it’s interesting, like also for her, it’s a difficult memory. It’s interesting.

Elizabeth
Amy said, “This is a stretch, but a couple that seemed like they were on a first date were at the next table at a restaurant. She clearly couldn’t breathe. The guy started hitting her on the back. I got up and encouraged him to get behind her and do the Heimlich maneuver. It worked! I heard her say it was lettuce. It was awkward, and we all sat down like nothing happened.”

Gretchen:
Bad first date. Jenny wrote, “Haunted is a good word to describe the feeling. I still think about it fifteen years later. I was an undergrad waiting to cross the street, and some guy was talking on his phone, standing in the street, not on the sidewalk. I saw a bus coming up the road and pulled him by his backpack onto the sidewalk. At first, he was confused as to why I touched him, but then he saw the bus and said that the phone, ‘Dude, some girl just saved my life!'”

Elizabeth
Wow. That phone thing is a real problem.

Gretchen:
It’s a real problem.

Elizabeth
Patty said, “My life was saved 20 years ago by a living kidney donor. I have found living kidney donors to be very humble about their amazing and generous act.”

Gretchen:
Dave pointed out, “I’ve donated a lot of blood. I’m sure that blood has helped save a life.” Absolutely. Brian’s pointed out, “You don’t have to rescue someone from drowning. You can donate a pint of blood, check off being an organ donor on your driver’s license, or sign up to donate a kidney or bone marrow.” So we think of these heroic measures, but you can sign up to be an organ donor, and you don’t have to do anything. I mean, you just sign up on the website or sign the card and tell people around you, “Hey, if it ever comes up, I would like to be an organ donor.” And I think it’s maybe you can save seven lives and benefit eleven lives. I don’t have the numbers, right, but you can make a huge difference.

And, of course, because of how Jamie’s Hepatitis C is now miraculously cured, I’m a huge proponent of organ donation. But it’s absolutely true: kidney donation is so important, and blood donation is so vital. And also, Elizabeth, one of the things that struck me is that I think that a lot of times, you might hesitate for fear that you would do it wrong. Like I can imagine, if I was in a restaurant and someone was choking, I would think, “I don’t want to get up out of my seat because I’ve never done the Heimlich maneuver. And if I intervene, maybe I’ll stop somebody who’s more qualified from stepping in.” But it sounds like a lot of times, people just instinctively do something, and maybe that’s better.

Elizabeth
And these stories, it doesn’t sound like these people were experts on the Heimlich maneuver. It sounds like they just did what we all know to do, but we probably have never done it right. So yeah, I think it definitely encourages me to step in a situation where I, before, I agree with you, I absolutely would not have I would have been like, “I’ll do more harm than good.” There must be someone more qualified. But if there’s not a doctor nearby, something is better than nothing. Often.

Gretchen:
No, because I think I would have thought exactly what you’re saying. Like, I could do more harm than good, but there may not be time. Like, you have to just try your best. So I found this to be endlessly fascinating to think about all these different circumstances. So let us know if you do Try This at Home, if you’ve saved a life, or if you’re planning to save a life by doing something, by signing up to be an organ donor, or bone marrow donor, blood donor, or other things that you might do. Let us know on Twitter, Facebook, drop us an email at podcast@gretchenrubin.com, or as always, you can go to the show notes, that is happiercast.com/403, for everything related to this episode.

Elizabeth
Coming up, we’ve got some packing cube hacks. But first, this break.

[Music]

Gretchen:
Okay, Elizabeth, for a Happiness Hack, we get so many hacks related to packing cubes. In a recent episode of More Happier, you and I were talking about how your writing partner, Sarah Fain, is such a fan of packing cubes. She, like, got you to get some packing cubes because she was so enthusiastic about them. Well, you and I have not explored the wide world of packing cubes. We have never done it. You bought some… I don’t think you’ve used them yet.

Elizabeth
Yes, I did. No.

Gretchen:
But people are very keen on packing cubes in ways that I did not even think of.

Elizabeth
Yes. Kara said, “My best friend and I are both single with no kids. We often travel together. We started using packing cubes a long time ago. We swear by the ones like these from Travel-Wise, for one very specific reason: they come in multiple bright colors. This is important for two reasons. A. Black packing cubes in a black bag are hard to see and find, and more importantly, B. Having multiple colors, one for each member of your traveling party, means that no matter where you are in your suitcase or accommodations, you can see whose stuff is where.

“Also, I wanted to add something that my best friend started doing that I think is genius and have now started doing. She started doing this with post-it notes, and then I made her, as the crafty one between us, a set of cards made out of cardstock and laminated with the days of the week on one side and day numbers one through ten on the other side, as most trips for us are no more than ten days. On the three extra cards, I wrote extra day one, extra day two, etc. She then lays these out and picks out outfits for each day. I have watched this transform the way she travels.”

Gretchen:
So this is smart. I like the idea that you could open up a suitcase, and everybody could just, like, pull out their own stuff so that you’re not pawing through a bunch of things. And then having it labeled, especially if you’re in a place where you’re not just like grabbing a t-shirt and shorts or something, but you really have specific outfits, and it’s like, “I don’t want to wear this shirt on the wrong day because it’s carefully coordinated with a pair of pants,” or whatever. Just takes out the decision fatigue of having to keep that all in your mind. I thought that was a great idea.

Elizabeth
Yes. And then Susan said, “We have two colors. Our clean clothes go in one, and the dirty ones go in the other. It makes coming home and unpacking easier.” I mean, another great idea.

Gretchen:
Yeah, yeah. Well, many people did suggest that each family member’s clothes would go in a different color cube, so you could do that. So that’s a good idea. And then Bridget had an idea for people who really don’t want to buy more stuff. And this is a great repurposing of something that kind of has haunted me. It’s like, this thing seems so useful, but what would I use it for?

She said, “I wanted to share with you and listeners a way to get FREE travel cubes with something that you might already have in your home. You know that packaging that pillowcases, bedsheets, and even small comforters come in? They’re very similar in size to the travel cubes that are sold in the stores, and as a bonus, most of the time, they are completely clear, allowing you to see all the contents easily. I discovered this a few months ago when I was looking for a way to organize my children’s clothing for traveling. They’re still very young, so lots of tiny clothing that can easily get mixed up or misplaced. I was able to find two sheet set bags that fit all their clothing easily. Each has their own bag and has made the trip so much nicer.”

I know these exactly. They have a clear window on the front, and they zip, and they’re cube-shaped. But here’s my idea, Elizabeth. Okay, you know when you get like a fancy pair of shoes, and it comes with like a nice shoe bag, and you’re like, I mean, I guess some people keep their shoes and shoe bags. That’s way next level; I’d never do that. But they’re really nice bags, and I mean, you wouldn’t want to put something that would get wrinkled, but if you had just like a bunch of socks that you had clean socks in one bag and dirty socks and another bag or whatever… You could use the shoe bags.

Elizabeth
Socks, bathing suits, underwear… anything. Yes.

Gretchen:
Right, right, right. So thank you, everyone.

Elizabeth
Yes. I love this whole packing cube revolution.

Gretchen:
I know, who knew?

Elizabeth
I know

Gretchen:
You and I were oblivious, but people have been tracking it. And now, we’re going to do a Deep Dive into some responses that we’ve gotten. This is an episode that has lots from listeners. We have gotten a lot of responses from listeners. So this is kind of a grab bag of a bunch of different emails that we’ve received according to like different things that have come up over the last few episodes. So the first one was from Lizzie, who was responding to the 400th episode when we were asking people, “What has resonated most deeply with you over the previous 400 episodes?”

Elizabeth
Yeah, she said, “I was just listening to your 400th episode. I was very struck by your thoughts on what you enjoyed doing as a ten-year-old should influence your adult work and hobbies. I’ve always been an animal lover and, since childhood, strived toward being a veterinarian. I worked hard to achieve my dream, but the reality didn’t quite match the expectation. Working as a vet in clinical practice was okay, but not the vocation I dreamed of. The trouble was, I didn’t know what else to do, and I didn’t hate the job enough to do anything about it. I was drifting. Fast forward to COVID and a very quiet lockdown, pregnancy, and maternity leave. I discovered the Happier podcast and listened to multiple episodes daily.” Thank you.

“I began idly thinking, ‘What did I enjoy as a ten-year-old?’ Well, animals, but I remember that I also love to write. I used to write out Care Guides for my multiple pets, along with diary entries about my imagined veterinary adventures. Writing: could it be a possibility? Well, two years on, and I’m no longer a vet working in practice. I’m now a veterinary copywriter writing articles for both pet owners and fellow veterinarians about all aspects of pet care, veterinary medicine, and more. And I absolutely love it. I’m still getting around to starting a Happiness Project. The third best time is tomorrow, right? But I don’t think I’ll need a work section. You’ve already sorted that one out for me.” That’s fantastic.

Gretchen:
I love this because, again, it’s not something you would necessarily think of without some self-reflection. And I think as a ten-year-old, you’re writing Care Guides for your multiple pets. I mean, it is funny when you look back on it, you’re like, oh, it’s so obviously connected, but you may not realize then. So I thought that was a wonderful story.

Elizabeth
Yes.

Gretchen:
And Stacy wrote about our episode 401, where we talked about ideas for time capsules. She wrote, “I went to a small all-girls high school that had a ton of really fun traditions. One of my favorites during our senior year, we all wrote letters to ourselves, and they were buried under our class rock in the senior garden. At our ten-year reunion, we all got our letters back. On the heels of that fun experience—receiving my senior letter—I decided to host a time capsule dinner for about 15 girlfriends. It was the year we were all turning 30. I hosted a dinner and instructed everyone to write a letter to themselves, and I paired everyone with one other person to write a letter to.

“We also brought magazine clippings, photos, etc. Ten years later, the year we all turned 40, we rented a house in San Francisco and had a time capsule weekend where we had a ton of fun and, of course, opened our time capsules. Last year we did our 50th in Aspen, opening yet ANOTHER time capsule. I also create a time capsule for all three of my children. I collected letters, photos, first outfits, baby shoes, etc., from the first year of life, then sealed it up. The night before my son left for college last year, we had a small family dinner with the grandparents, etc., and he opened his time capsule. It was super fun for him to read all the letters he received when he was born and a meaningful tradition for our family on the eve of college send-off. Anyway, I thought I would share as time capsules have been an easy and fun way to create tradition and preserve memories in different areas of my life.” I thought this was so great.

Elizabeth
Yes, I love it, and I love the “every ten years.” It’s so much fun.

Gretchen:
It’s so much fun. And again, if you’re interested in that Storage Box or the Memento Box (Journal), if you want to do time capsules with things that are flat, I’ll post a li… You can just go to the Happiness Project Shop or go to my website and look for the shop. Yeah. But then, then we heard another listener who had a different perspective on time capsules.

Elizabeth
Yes. Rebecca said, “In the spirit of ‘The opposite of a profound truth is also true,’ I feel like the opposite of keeping a time capsule can also be true. As a mom of four, I am overwhelmed by toys and knickknacks. I prefer to use things like Christmas cards as the decoration banner for the current year but then say goodbye. An alternative to the box capsule is a digital picture album. I even have pictures of the scene or awards, etc., that I set my Google portal to display pictures from on this day.”

Gretchen:
Well, I love the idea that the opposite of a profound truth is also true and that you may not want the stuff. It is a box that you keep on the shelf, or it’s a book that you have on your bookshelf. And some people are just like, “No.”

Elizabeth
Well, and with four kids add up to a lot of stuff.

Gretchen:
Yeah, right, right. Then we got some very interesting responses to the person who was asking about the child who was persistently late to school, a child that she thinks is a rebel. And so we were talking about different ideas about how you might handle that situation.

Elizabeth
Yeah, Annette said, “When the comment was made of ‘What does it matter if the student is a couple of minutes late,’ as a middle school teacher, I will say: It does matter. Most classes start with bell ringers, starters, agendas, passing/collecting papers, etc., setting the tone for the period and other important instructions. Not to mention 1 to 2 minutes leads to 5 to 10, etc. Nothing is more annoying for us as teachers to have to repeat directions and so forth for latecomers, and some students’ entrance is disruptive to the rest of the class, especially if it’s a challenging student.

“Lastly, reward the kids who are there on time, preferably with a high priority of reward for the late student, something he wouldn’t want to miss. Just my two cents after 34 years in middle school.” Well, she brings up many good points.

Gretchen:
She brings up many good points. But on this idea of what is there for the children who are on time, which she eludes to at the end, Claire picked up on that idea. She said, “I’m a rebel too and have done some teaching in my time. My first reaction was like yours. If the student is 1 to 2 minutes late, then I let it slide. It seems a little needlessly strict to chastise them for that. I can also see, though, that the student may get some kind of mischievous glee inconsistently, being just a tiny bit late. Hahaha. Having said that, if the teacher really wants to crack down, especially if we’re talking more than 10 minutes late, here’s an idea. The teachers could put all the class students’ names in a hat or a digital randomizer and hold a student prize draw at precisely the minute the class starts.

“The catch is if your name is drawn, you need to be present to claim your prize. I don’t mean tangible prizes or, God forbid, cash, but a privilege benefit first choice of some sort. Something they can use for that class on that day. The privilege could stay the same or change, be announced the day before, or even be announced the same time the winner is drawn. This appeals to my Rebel tendency, as I could still choose to show up late and take the risk of missing the win. But how annoying it would be to win it and not be present to claim it! Rebels love choice and risk, and this combines both nicely.”

So I thought this was really interesting. This is like a rebel’s take on how you might set something up. There’s the game of flying, which often appeals to rebels. It’s the choice. I could choose to be late, but I choose to be on time because I want my chance, and I don’t want to be annoyed by the chance that I might not get something that I otherwise could claim. So I thought that was very imaginative.

Elizabeth
Yes, really good. Lana says, “I, too, was always intentionally a little late to all my classes, and it was, unexpectedly, because of social anxiety. While being late also always made me nervous, it was easier to deal with than having to chat with so many people in the hallways while waiting for the class to start. High school relationships can be turbulent and hard to navigate for teenagers. Could it be that that’s what’s making him late? In any case, for me, it stopped on its own in a few years.”

Gretchen:
Well, yes. And a related point comes from Jennifer, who said, “This might be a long shot because this school administration sounds like they’re really on top of things, but could it be possible that he has a bully? He might be getting there a few minutes late in order to avoid interactions with someone. Might be worth looking into.”

So these two listeners have a very different take on what might be going on. I thought that was a very interesting insight, which is, you know, one thing you think about the person who’s gleefully late sort of breaking the rules, but then maybe there’s somebody who’s avoiding a very painful situation. Obviously, you would approach those situations very differently.

Elizabeth
Yes. Well, it’s interesting, Gretchen, the solutions and then also the reasons you might be late. It’s interesting to explore. So I hope this helps.

Gretchen:
Yeah. And it’s interesting to hear so many different people’s perspectives on it. Like clearly, we bring our own experience and assumptions to something like this. So yeah, there’s a whole range of things to think about. Interesting question.

Elizabeth
Yeah. Coming up, I’ve got a corgi-related Gold Star. But first, this break.

[Music]

Elizabeth
Okay, Gretchen, it is time for Demerits and Gold Stars, and you are up this week with a Happiness Demerit.

Gretchen:
Okay, so maybe other people have experienced this, but sometimes, like, when you feel like there’s a lot in your mind, you start to lose things. Like, I’m usually very, very careful. Like, I always do that thing where I look behind me when I get up from a seat, and I’m really like very conscious of not spreading out things that then need to be consolidated again or whatever. But recently, I was traveling—kind of like old times—I went to Philadelphia one day, I went to New Haven one day, and in both places, I left something behind. I got both things back and was fine, but it was an unnecessary hassle. It was an unnecessary distraction.

I don’t like losing things… it makes me feel like I’m losing parts of myself, it makes me disproportionately uneasy. And then, kind of related to this, you know, I love a holiday breakfast, and every year I make a holiday breakfast for Halloween, and I was just talking about it! I dye the milk orange; I put out my placemat; I dye the peanut butter black, all this. So I was traveling on Halloween, but I was home Halloween morning, and I could have laid it all out and then had Eleanor have it when she got up. I got up too early before she was awake, but I kind of set everything up… and I forgot that!

And so I feel like I’m just forgetting things, losing things. And so I keep reminding me, you know, go slow to go fast. You know, like I was speaking, so I took off my Apple Watch because you know how it will sometimes vibrate, and I’m like, “I don’t want it to vibrate in the middle and distract me, so I’ll just take it off.” Then it just vanished on this little cubby where my stuff was. I’m like, “Okay, slow down. Take time to put everything in a bag. Don’t just put something down; put it away.” I mean, I’ve got a thousand aphorisms for this.

Elizabeth
Yes.

Gretchen:
So I’m hoping that by giving myself the Demerit, I really will put my attention on it, and so that I will stop dropping all these little bits behind me.

Elizabeth
Yeah, especially with losing things. Just put it down where you know you have to get it.

Gretchen:
Yeah, like, why would I put that down next to my bag instead of inside?

Elizabeth
Right.

Gretchen:
The reason is because it goes inside my bag and then it’s kind of hard to find it because it’s in all the pockets and everything. I’m like, “Pick a pocket, always put it in the same pocket, so it’s easy to find. Don’t just randomly set it on the counter.”

Elizabeth
Of course. Gretchen, I’m remembering when we forgot your suitcase in Santa Barbara.

Gretchen:
Oh, my gosh.

Elizabeth
When we went to the brunch at Oprah’s house, and we were so, like, overwhelmed, then we drove, we pulled out of my house, and you said, “Where is my bag?” And we had driven all the way home.

Gretchen:
Oh, my gosh. A couple of hours, we were exhausted. I was like leaving the next morning, and it was at that moment I realized I had never put a bag in the trunk. And you thought we were going to have to drive back up there, get it, and drive back. And I was like, “No, we’re going to have to figure something out.”

Gretchen:
No, that was memorable. Yes, yeah, yes. Don’t do it. Don’t leave something behind. Yes. Develop a system.

Elizabeth
A system.

Gretchen:
Yeah, yeah. Well, see, maybe that’s it, like a stumble may prevent a fall. “I left my apple watch, and now I won’t leave my suitcase.” A friend of mine look through her garment bag on an airplane, just deplaned, never thought of it for, like, 8 hours, and then was like, “Oh, where is it?” And somebody had taken it, and she never…

Elizabeth
I’ve left bags on airplanes. Yeah.

Gretchen:
Yeah. Count, always count how many bags you have with you. Okay, listen, what’s your Gold Star?

Elizabeth
Okay, so Gretchen, I am giving a Gold Star to Corgi Nation, okay? Corgi Spirit, Corgi Nation. You know…

Gretchen:
I have to interrupt you, Elizabeth, because somebody emailed; they said, “Oh, Elizabeth. She’s not going to talk about her dogs anymore, but I so enjoy hearing her talk about her dogs.” And I wrote back, I was like, “Don’t worry about it because I think Elizabeth is going to talk about her dogs.” So yeah, I wouldn’t be too concerned about that.

Elizabeth
Here I am, here I am talking about my dogs. So, you know, we have two corgis: Nacho and Daisy. And last weekend, we went for the first time to the Southern California Corgi Beach Day, which is at Huntington Beach. And it’s a day for everyone to bring their corgis. We went, and I mean, there are hundreds of corgis there, and they sell corgi merchandise and pet merchandise, and there are food trucks and, you know, it’s a whole thing.

And I will say it was extremely crowded, and I won’t say it was like, pure bliss, simply because it was so crowded, but it was really fun to just see other people who love their corgis and just smile at them and wave. And Nacho and Daisy were great. They didn’t bark. They were just wagging their tails at all the people and the corgis. And Gretchen, you know, I love some merch.

Gretchen:
Oh yeah, you love the merch.

Elizabeth
Yes. I got a Corgi Beach Day t-shirt, and we got a Corgi Nation flag. So I just want to give a Gold Star to, you know, this corgi spirit. The love has brought so much to our lives as a family. It’s brought so much to us, so big Gold Star to Corgi Nation.

Gretchen:
Well, it reminds me of that More Happier, where you were saying that your love of the Real Housewives helped you form a friendship, and it’s all about the shared enthusiasm that can help you draw closer to other people. And this is a great example where these are people that you don’t even know, but still, you’re all having this fun adventure together.

Elizabeth
Yes.

Gretchen:
Because of the shared enthusiasm. It’s so fun!

Elizabeth
Yes. So anyway, good times.

Gretchen:
Well, then I want to see that t-shirt then. And the resources for this week. We now have transcripts! I’m so happy; this has been a long time coming. It’s kind of a multi-layer process to get it going and get them right, but they will be published. They’ll be published the week following the episode because of just the time needed to process them. If you go to Ggretchenrubin.com/podcast, you will see them there now for episode 401 if you want to see it. And then it will always be there within a week of the episode going live. We’re very excited about this.

And then the November holidays are, you know, now is the time to start crossing things off your list. Eliza and Eleanor have been telling me they’ve been putting things on their list and crossing things off, so that’s good. If you want to get some of your holiday shopping done early with up to 20% off some purchases, go to the Happiness Project Shop through November 30th, and you get 20% off orders that are $100 or more with the code HAPPIERNOVEMBER20. Returning customers get 15% off all orders with code HOLIDAYVIP15. And this excludes books and gift cards, but it covers everything else on the site. So it’s journals, water bottles, pouches, all sorts of things there. So check it out.

Elizabeth
Nice.

Gretchen:
What are we reading?

Elizabeth
Gretch, I am listening to Matthew Perry’s book Friends, Lovers, and the Big, Terrible Thing.

Gretchen:
And I am reading The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Naylor. And that’s it for this episode of Happier. Remember to Try This at Home: Save someone’s life. Let us know if you’ve done it or if you plan to do it and if it works for you.

Elizabeth
Thank you to our executive producer, Chuck Reed, and everyone at Cadence 13. Get in touch: Gretchen’s on Instagram at @gretchenrubin, and I’m @lizcraft. Our email address is podcast@gretchenrubin.com.

Gretchen:
And if you like this show, please be sure to tell a friend. Send them the link to this episode. Tell them to listen to the podcast. That is how people discover our show.

Elizabeth
Until next week, I’m Elizabeth Craft.

Gretchen:
And I’m Gretchen Rubin. Thanks for joining us. Onward and upward.

[Music]

Gretchen:
Well, Elizabeth, given that Daisy and Nacho bark, which I know because I hear them barking when I’m talking to you on the phone when we’re recording, I’m just surprised that it wasn’t just some cacophony of corgi barking.

Elizabeth
I know. I think maybe corgis bark a lot at home, like a territorial thing, and they don’t bark out in public as much. Uh, but there were there was no barking. I asked Adam after you and I were talking about it, I said, “Was there any barking?” And we couldn’t remember any of the dogs barking out of hundreds. Yeah, isn’t that funny?

Gretchen
That is so interesting.

Elizabeth
Thank goodness. I mean, that would have been rough. That would have been loud.

Gretchen:
From the Onward Project.